I buy the Guitar World Hero band kit from a stoner

Julia got the game Band Hero for Christmas, which is basically the Rock Band/Guitar Hero experience with pop songs. It includes several of Julia's favorite songs. She had originally asked for a karaoke machine, but I didn't feel like those were very economical. This game does have a karaoke mode, so that takes care of that. I also wanted something I could play along to with Julia.

The Band Hero kit with the microphone, guitar, drum kit and game costs a whopping 199 bucks at most stores. I wasn't really ready to part with that money. I had noticed that the Best Buy in Grand Island was selling the Guitar Hero World Tour band kit for 100 bucks when I was there. That would be great to get because it includes all the instruments that you'd need, plus you'd get a game with rock songs to go along with the new pop songs on the Band Hero disc (once I bought it).

I'll often check Craig's List to see who out there is willing to part with their goods for a song. I'm pretty lucky at finding those things. We had our 20 inch Insignia TV start to go on the fritz in that it was showing a green tint over the screen off and on while we tried to watch it. It was getting a little annoying, so I did a search on Craig's List and found a guy who was selling his 2004 Phillips 20 inch TV for just 40 dollars. It works great.

I thought that I might have some more good luck again. I searched for Guitar Hero World Tour. I saw a listing that didn't make much sense. A guy was selling the game and the instruments for only 60 dollars. I emailed that I was interested and within a few minutes, I got a reply. The guy, or Seller as I'm calling him, gave me his number to talk it over.

I dialed the number, which started to ring with one of those Ringback tones that plays you a song while the party you're calling is getting to the phone. His Ringback tone was "Poison" by Alice Cooper.

He said that they had got it the Friday before Thanksgiving for 100 dollars, but they didn't really play it so he decided to get rid of it. That seemed a little fishy. To cut in here... I bought the game from Seller the last week of November...

I agreed that I would probably buy it. I told him, "I'm going to leave work a little after 4 p.m. I should be there at 4:20."

At this point, Seller laughed. I didn't realize then why he thought that was funny. He had said that he'd be around all day, but was that too late? Did he think that it was funny I mentioned such a specific time? It was only later, when I was exercising that I groaned at the realization at what was so funny. For those ignorant on drug lingo, 4:20 is supposed to be the perfect time to get stoned. I'm not sure why and I have no idea if it's true. The stoner's new year is celebrated on April 20th. It's kind of stupid, but hey, to each their own.

Seller lived over in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which a lot of us refer to as Council Tucky because it's kind of a dump over there. So when Seller told me that he lived in Council Bluffs, I joked to my co-worker that if I didn't come back that the address I was heading to was on my notepad on my desk. He laughed.

Note to Council Bluffs people: I'm not saying you all are hicks. My aunt lives there, but let's be honest. There's a portion of the town that looks like it was populated by people hanging around a bus station that happened to be located next to the homeless shelter. You know what I'm talking about.

So anyway, Seller told me directions and mentioned how there's all this "crazy" construction going on by his house, so he told me to turn at a certain street. I trusted that Map Quest would steer me in the right direction, so I looked at those directions instead. Turns out that Seller was right and Map Quest was wrong. There WAS some crazy construction going on. So crazy that I ended up driving several blocks past his turn trying to find a way around the construction. It was as if the city planners thought it was a genius idea to just cut a neighborhood in the middle with a blocked street so that people on the west or east sides of it couldn't get across unless you went around a 2 mile detour.

I ended up driving over a bridge and after calling Seller again with his "Poison" ringback tone to entertain me while I waited for him to answer, he told me the correct street again.

I pulled up to his house. What awaited me didn't really surprise me. He looked like Jesus, if Jesus was a stoner with a hoody. He had thin, long black hair that went past his shoulders and a short beard.

Seller said, "Hi' to me and I followed him inside. We walked through the closed porch. Before he opened the door to the porch, he said, "Don't mind the mess."

And by a mess, he meant an absolute shithole. The porch was cluttered with papers, boxes and assorted items that all looked like they should be put in their proper place: the trash can.

I walked inside to find a house that wasn't that different from the porch. The front door opened to the kitchen and every single square foot of the kitchen counter was covered with opened boxes, closed boxes, bananas, containers, appliances, measuring cups, clean dishes and dirty dishes.

It looked like he had a wife and kid as they were standing in the living room.

Seller opened a door for me and said, "Down here."

He urged me to go first so that he could close the door behind me. I assumed to keep his dog out.

As I walked down the narrow and steep stairs, I was met with a very familiar smell having been around it at concerts and various houses. I also encountered it while delivering pizzas and was reminded of the various stoners you'd encounter on the job.

Usually, you would see a few different behaviors while delivering a pizza to a stoner. You'd always smell the grass, but how people acted when I came to deliver a pizza was interesting.

- 'See No Evil' houses - These were the houses where there'd be three guys.

Guy #1 was the 'Acting Sober' guy, who would answer the door and act all sober and upstanding. That is, until you handed him a complimentary coupon, to which he'd exclaim, "Whoa!"

Guy #2 was the 'Not Moving, Not Talking' guy, who would just sit there on the couch without seemingly moving a muscle. He wouldn't speak or even make an acknowledgment that a pizza was being delivered. He sat there like not doing so would cause the world would end. Maybe he was paranoid about Guy #3.

Guy #3 was the 'Coughing Fit' guy. There would be no pipes around, but you'd have this guy sitting there and convulsing with raspy coughs as if he'd just inhaled a big lung of smoke in that miraculous way of not having a pipe to do it with.

- The 'Let's All Answer The Door' house. Then there were the houses where every person would get up and answer the door. It was kind of weird. The door would open and there would be every guy in the room at the door. It's as if they were saying, "Don't mind us dudes. We're just ALL answering the door as if nothing's wrong. Later, we'll all be going to the bathroom together."

So back to my story...

I started walking downstairs when suddenly I found myself sliding down the stairs on my back. One of the steps near the bottom was so loose that when I stepped on it, it tipped forward and sent me sprawling. I imagined it must be a nifty way to break your enemy's neck.

"Whoa!" Seller said. "Watch your step!"

Too late...

"I keep forgetting to tell people about that step!"

I wonder why...

So the basement consisted of a piece-of-shit couch that faced a computer desk with a Monitor with an Xbox 360 on it. Seller showed me the Guitar Hero World Tour game and all the instruments. He popped in the game to show me that it worked. I sat behind the drums while his friend opted to play the guitar. Unfortunately, his friend was freshly high so when it came time to select the options on the game, it took about 10 times longer than it should have.

In the game, you hit the green button to signify that you are playing the song. If you want to sit out, you don't hit anything.

I hit the green drum pad to lock in the Drum set controller. We waited.

"Hit the green button, Dude," Seller said.

The previous screen appeared. The friend hit the red button instead of the green button, which was the 'Back' button.

"Dude! What did you hit?" Seller asked.

"I... don't... know..." the friend drawled.

I hit the green button again to lock in my controller. We waited again.

"Hit the green button, Dude," Seller said.

Still nothing.

"Oh, I think I just hit the blue button, Bro. Sorry."

Seller walked over to the friend and hit the green button for him.

After a few more times of this because his friend kept hitting random buttons, we were finally playing a song.

I started doing my adequate drumming to the song. I noticed right away that there were no guitars playing. I glanced over at the friend and he was just sitting there, not hitting any buttons.

Oh, so NOW he doesn't want to hit buttons? Just in time for the song to start, which means that you're very soon going to be hitting buttons.

I called it good even though I didn't hear the guitar working like it should, but I wanted to get out of there.

Long story short, I got a cheap video game and the stoner got some money for his next stash (I'm assuming).