Audiobook: Breathers: A Zombie's Lament by S. G. Brown

I just got done with this audiobook called 'Breathers: A Zombie's Lament' by S. G. Brown.

It's my first attempt at zombie fiction and it was pretty good for the most part. The story centers around a zombie named Andy, who woke up after a horrific car accident killed him and his wife to find that he's now one of the members of the the undead. In S. G. Brown's version of zombies, the undead are shunned members of society while the living, referred to as breathers, retain all rights as citizens.

Andy lives in his parents wine cellar doing nothing all day but watching cable TV and drinking expensive wine that gives him no pleasure. He spends his nights at the local zombie support group run by a recently deceased therapist. Andy can't talk because his mouth was sewn shut. One arm is near useless. Also, his ankle is broken so he's slow moving.

Getting to and from the meetings is dangerous as breathers take sport in pelting zombies with food, ripping off zombie appendages or just killing them for sport. His zombie friends of Jerry, a 'dude' speaking guy and Rita, a beautiful woman who's constantly applying makeup walk with him to and from the meetings.

I almost gave up on this book because it got long winded. Andy is constantly whining about how he doesn't understand why he can't just walk down the street without being yelled at or vandalized or why he can't sit in front of a fire without fear of being thrown into it.

The book picks up steam when Andy and his friends meet Ray, a zombie who they initially mistake for a breather. He introduces them to a treat of venison he calls 'Ray's Resplendent Rapture'. The meat is beyond delicious. Soon Andy starts to feel rebellious and is arrested by Animal Control, who polices the zombies, for trying to protest for zombie rights. Then he notices that he's starting to heal. Andy and his friends start to realize that Ray's meat may not be venison after all.

The book goes unconventional for a long time, but then kicks into zombie movie territory near the end of the book, which almost ruins it for me.

Overall, I liked it. The narrator's lamentable delivery (call back to the subtitle) means that when the jokes come every now and then (like the one where Andy is offered a finger and he says that he never liked finger food), that I was groaning a lot at the corny jokes.

It's Only a Movie by Mark Kermode

I was skimming the new releases at Audible when I came across a book, It's Only a Movie, that looked interesting. It was a memoir, which I like if they are humorous. This one seemed to fit that bill. I find out that Mark Kermode is a movie reviewer, but one that I had never heard of before. Still, the sample was pretty funny, so I took a chance on it.

Even though Kermode isn't what I would call famous, although he does work for the BBC. I thought his book was a very interesting and very funny listen, not that being famous is a qualification for a good memoir.

Kermode talks about his love of film throughout his life with criticism of films that entered his life and peppers this with stories from his life. For example, his chapter on the first time he was ever on radio was so funny that I had to listen to it twice to get the full details because I was laughing so hard. Same for his chapter on going to Russia in 1992 to cover a movie shoot there. What starts as a fun idea turns into a nightmare that doesn't surpass any movie about troubles in traveling, but it certainly tops them all in the laughs department. Kermode and a writing partner have to endure smelly trains, cramped cars and harrowing plane rides all for the search of a film crew that seems to be everywhere that they aren't while dealing with post communist society that doesn't have any of the conveniences that he is used to.

All in all, if you like movies, or talk of movies, then this book is a good start.

The Sheriff of Yrnameer by Michael Rubens

This book released last year is one that I was sure that I'd love. As a fantasy geek growing up, I gravitated towards the books that were slightly humorous. Those were in fairly short supply, but there were a few here and there.

I never really got into the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series, though. My brother, Bill, bought the second book, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, because of the title and while it was funny, because we hadn't read the first book, we were kind of lost.

Years later, I've listened to the first three books of the series and I really enjoyed them. They were funny, witty and thought-provoking.

It's inevitable that people will compare The Sheriff of Yrnameer to the Hitchhikers' series.

It's set in a futuristic space where oddball alien characters exist around every corner. Where jaywalking will get you a lecture, a quiz and then a ticket. Where kicking up dust will produce an advertisement. Where computers that gain awareness are deprogrammed if they answer wrong to the question: "Do you like humans?" until one computer finally answers "Yes".

The book involves the exploits of Cole, a poor criminal, who is trying to get out of town to avoid his brain becoming a bounty hunter's incubator for the hunter's alien spawn. Along the way, he has to overcome getting beaten up multiple times, losing his girlfriend, stealing a very famous ship, outrunning the bounty hunter, avoiding zombies and someone becoming the sheriff of Yrnameer, the last untouched planet in the galaxy.

I thought it was a very well done audio book, too. The narrator does a fine job with the various voices. Plus, there are vocal effects galore to simulate the many song jingles, radio voices and various alien sounds in the book.

Audiobook - I listened to the New Testament...

I didn't actually listen to the whole New Testament, but just the first four books, which chronicle the story of Jesus. The reason why I did this is because I'm preparing to read a book called, Lamb, which satirizes the years between when Jesus was 12 and when he reappears at 30. There is no record in the New Testament about that.

The book's full title is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. It's by one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore. He's done many a satirical book. There was Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story, which centered around a newly minted vampire and her human love interest. A Dirty Job centered around a second-hand shop dealer who finds out that he's been chosen to be a death merchant, a person that collects souls, on the same day that his wife dies after giving birth to his daughter, who may or may not the Illuminati. Those are just two of his books. All are funny.

Like I said above, I was listening to get myself better acquainted with the life of Jesus before I listened to Lamb. I had, of course, heard a lot of the stories before like the walking on water, the miracle of the loaves and fishes, the tempting by Satan, the miracles, the last supper, the betrayal, the crucifixion and the rising from the dead after 3 days. But as I listened closely to his teachings, there were a few things that struck me about Jesus.

For one thing, divorce is viewed rather harshly by him. He says that divorce should only be allowed if it's because of infidelity and that if you marry a woman who is divorced then you are committing adultery. This means that a whole lot of people, especially those family values politicians on the right are directly going against the word of Jesus.

For another thing, Jesus' followers seemed to be pretty dense sometimes. Time and time again, he would perform great miracles, but then when a challenge came along that was similar, they were amazed as if he had never done it before. At several points, Jesus gets frustrated with them by asking how they can't believe. If that was me, I'd be like, "Dude! You've seen me do this before! Stop being a dunderhead!"

In terms of plot, several parts of the New Testament are rather stilted. It's as if it was patched together from tales told many years apart (kidding). For example, after one miracle, he tells his disciples to go on ahead in their boat while he prays, but then has to walk across the water to get to the boat when the water gets too rough. Better time management might have helped or they could have just waited for him.

As for the crucifixion, I am reminded of the beating Jesus took in the Passion of the Christ. I kept waiting for the prolonged whippings and beatings in the New Testament, but there were few mentions of it. At one point, he's given a crown of thorns and it then dressed in purple after they've mocked him. I guess I'm confused as to where the prolonged beatings were added.

The version I listened to was very good to listen to. Each character was voice by a different person and there were sound effects of crowds and weather to add to the story. If you were going to read the New Testament by just listening to it, I think I would highly recommend it. It definitely seems to save some time and enhances what's going on.

Audiobook - Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz

I just finished an audiobook for 'Odd Thomas' by Dean Koontz. Dean Koontz is like the poor-man's Stephen King, which is a little unfair to Dean, who after all was publishing for years before Stephen first got published.

There are major differences between a King and Koontz book. Whereas King likes to take his time moving into the plot, Koontz generally hits you over the head with it. They move fast usually.

I've read 'Phantoms', 'Intensity' and 'The Bad Place' by Koontz, but I wasn't so much a fan that I wanted to read more.

I saw that he was branching out into a series with the Odd Thomas series, which is on its fourth volume by now.

The series centers around a man called, Odd Thomas. Go figure. Odd is his real name and he has the unnatural gift of being able to see the dead. The dead appear to him when they need him to help with unfinished business. He works with the police chief in town, who knows of the gift, by leading him to the killers of murdered people.

This is all turned on its head when Odd notices a man who's being followed around by dark shadows that usually appear when mass trauma is about to go down. He follows the man with the shadows and sets in motion a series of horrifying events that changes the town he lives in forever.

It's a pretty decent listen. The narrator is just right to play the very simple Odd. It does have its share of horrifying scenes, but not so much to turn off the non-horror fan. It's also a little humorous at times.

Audiobook - Rant by Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck Palahniuk is not exactly one of my favorite writers. In some ways, he is new and exciting in that he has some pretty out there ideas for a plot, characters and dialogue. His books also have the weird humor in them that I find funny, but not in a rolling-on-the-floor way, but in appreciative way. In other ways, he can be predictable in that many of the characters in his books have weird fetishes of some sort, spout endless tidbits of information on various subjects and seem to sound the same. Also, almost all of his books have a really interesting start and then die a slow death as it meanders to an unexpected conclusion. While the conclusions are usually never in the direction that I anticipated, they are disappointing in that they don't draw you in like the beginning does.

Chuck Palahniuk is best known for his book called 'Fight Club' in which the main character of the book, whose name you never hear, has insomnia and finds a way to sleep by going to various support groups for people dying of various diseases. Along the way, he meets Tyler Durden, a man almost his opposite. Whereas the narrator is unsure of himself, Tyler seems to know it all about everything. Together, they start Fight Club, an underground club where guys fight bare knuckled. As the Fight Club culture grows, so do Tyler's ambitions and the narrator is drawn into an even more underground club where corporate mayhem is the game.

I saw the movie first and it's one of my favorite movies of all time. It's very dark and slyly funny, but it's a definite guy's movie for the younger set. The book is not as good. I liked it, but liked the movie's interpretation of it a lot more.

Rant is the oral history of Rant Casey as told by friends, neighbors, co-workers, bosses and enemies. It's a series of recorded statements. I think as a text, it would be a little frustrating to read, but in audio form, it's great. Each character is voiced by a different voice actor, so it's easy to tell who the character is before they finish their name.

Rant is not easy to explain. It's the story of a boy, knicknamed 'Rant', who grows up to be the carrier of a deadly rabies plague. As a boy, he became fascinated by the rush he would get by getting bit by venomous spiders and animals. Some of these animals were rabid. Rant became immune to rabies and started a small outbreak in his small town. Then in the city, a much larger outbreak was started that almost ground society to a halt. In between this, Rant gets involved in a group of people called 'Party Crashers' whose main goal every night is to drive around in the night's costume (like a wedding party or student drivers) and crash into other 'Party Crashers' to earn points. The world also deals with virtual reality brain porting and time travel.

All in all, it's a very different audio book that worked for me. Not sure who I'd recommend it to, but if you liked Fight Club and appreciate movies like Pulp Fiction and the Big Lebowski, then this may be for you.

Listened to Duma Key by Stephen King and it seemed to take forever...

I used to listen to the Howard Stern radio show all the time. So much so that Laura would yell at me to get the headphones off and 'engage' as she put it. I don't know why, but listening to every second of that show made me feel better and made the time pass when I was doing house work a lot faster.

So I started to listen to audio books starting with the Harry Potter series. I listened to both the US and British versions of the books more than once. I've also branched into other books, mostly on the humorous side.

But I also started listening to books from Stephen King. Back when I was in high school and wasn't working every single day, I had time to read his books. Now I have little time to sit down and read, let alone write. So I've started listening to books that I've wanted to read of his because of the lack of time.

One of them is one of his most recent books called Duma Key. Duma Key centers around a guy named Edgar Freemantle, who after getting injured in a horrific accident in which he loses an arm and suffers major damage to every part of his body after a crane backs over his truck on a job site, loses his wife to divorce and most of his friends. He leaves his hometown to get away from it all and ends up at Duma Key in Florida.

Once there, he takes up drawing and then painting. He also starts to rehab himself by walking up and down the beach. He finally meets up with a man named, Wireman, who is damaged like himself from an accident in his life. He and Edgar bond. Wireman is taking care of an old lady named Elizabeth, whose father owned most of Duma Key.

It's right around here where Duma Key starts to go from interesting to tedious. Because we're dealing with the narration of characters that are an old southern lady and a hispanic man, it really slows the book down. The whole audio book is over 22 hours long and boy does it feel like it. Wireman constantly calls Edgar "Muchacho" and "Amigo", which really got on my nerves. I mean Wireman was a great character and I grew to like him, but every time he used those two works, I wanted to scream.

Also, the narration of Elizabeth is done rather slow in that southern drawl, but only slower. I got tired of the slow pace 6 hours in and edited the file so it was 10 percent faster, which brought the total time of the book to under 20 hours.

After that, the book literally flew by!

What was irritating about the book, even with the speeded up voices, was the tone and pacing. For the first 3/4th of the book, the plot is a little weird, but not weird enough. Edgar paints like a genius, but it's not overly creepy. The book needed more strange stuff happening to him. By the time weird stuff does start to happen to him, I think most impatient people might have given up. I almost did!

The first half just felt like the Shawshank Redemption in the Florida Keys, but the second half suddenly ramps up with the undead, ghosts, giant frogs, a bouncing lawn jockey, murderous paintings, possessed people, blood, vomit, salt and sand.

It was a decent listen, though. I guess I'd recommend it if you like Stephen King and have the patience.