Audiobook - I listened to the New Testament...

I didn't actually listen to the whole New Testament, but just the first four books, which chronicle the story of Jesus. The reason why I did this is because I'm preparing to read a book called, Lamb, which satirizes the years between when Jesus was 12 and when he reappears at 30. There is no record in the New Testament about that.

The book's full title is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. It's by one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore. He's done many a satirical book. There was Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story, which centered around a newly minted vampire and her human love interest. A Dirty Job centered around a second-hand shop dealer who finds out that he's been chosen to be a death merchant, a person that collects souls, on the same day that his wife dies after giving birth to his daughter, who may or may not the Illuminati. Those are just two of his books. All are funny.

Like I said above, I was listening to get myself better acquainted with the life of Jesus before I listened to Lamb. I had, of course, heard a lot of the stories before like the walking on water, the miracle of the loaves and fishes, the tempting by Satan, the miracles, the last supper, the betrayal, the crucifixion and the rising from the dead after 3 days. But as I listened closely to his teachings, there were a few things that struck me about Jesus.

For one thing, divorce is viewed rather harshly by him. He says that divorce should only be allowed if it's because of infidelity and that if you marry a woman who is divorced then you are committing adultery. This means that a whole lot of people, especially those family values politicians on the right are directly going against the word of Jesus.

For another thing, Jesus' followers seemed to be pretty dense sometimes. Time and time again, he would perform great miracles, but then when a challenge came along that was similar, they were amazed as if he had never done it before. At several points, Jesus gets frustrated with them by asking how they can't believe. If that was me, I'd be like, "Dude! You've seen me do this before! Stop being a dunderhead!"

In terms of plot, several parts of the New Testament are rather stilted. It's as if it was patched together from tales told many years apart (kidding). For example, after one miracle, he tells his disciples to go on ahead in their boat while he prays, but then has to walk across the water to get to the boat when the water gets too rough. Better time management might have helped or they could have just waited for him.

As for the crucifixion, I am reminded of the beating Jesus took in the Passion of the Christ. I kept waiting for the prolonged whippings and beatings in the New Testament, but there were few mentions of it. At one point, he's given a crown of thorns and it then dressed in purple after they've mocked him. I guess I'm confused as to where the prolonged beatings were added.

The version I listened to was very good to listen to. Each character was voice by a different person and there were sound effects of crowds and weather to add to the story. If you were going to read the New Testament by just listening to it, I think I would highly recommend it. It definitely seems to save some time and enhances what's going on.