Movie Review - Right At Your Door

I had seen the trailer for this movie on another DVD, and it seemed like it was a really interesting and thought-provoking movie. While certainly thought provoking, it's only interesting in parts with a twist ending that, while interesting, has plenty of holes in it. I'll be discussing some plot points and the ending, so stop reading if you don't want to know how it ends.



The movie centers around Brad, an out-of-work musician, who sees his wife, Lexi, off to work. Soon after she leaves, Brad hears that several dirty bombs have been detonated in the city (Los Angeles). He goes outside and notices several clouds of smoke in the air. Thinking of his wife, he tries to call her while driving to where she might be. It seems the dirty bombs have a combination of toxic chemicals and an unknown viral agent. Not being able to get through and turned back by police, who he saw kill a man that was contaminated, he rushes back home while trying to call his wife several times. He also stops at the hardware store and steals a boat load of plastic sheeting and duct tape.

At home, he and the next-door handy man seal up the house while they wait for Lexi come home. He waits to do the front door last, but when it looks like she won't make it before the cloud of smoke overtakes the house, he puts clothes, food and water in a box for Lexi by the back of the house and seals up the front door.

What's supposed to be interesting is his decision to not let his wife into the house. She does show up and is mighty pissed when he won't let her in. His reasoning is that Fox News said not to come in contact with exposed people as they may be deadly. Her response is kind of funny: "What the f^&* does Fox News know?" There's a bit of back and forth as they argue about her getting into the house. She also tries to break into the back of the house by throwing her cell phone through a window. In the end, she resolves to her fate of being outside.

The rest of the movie drags and drags with the couple arguing between windows and plastic sheeting. There's also a lot of swear words that really detract from the story. At one point, Lexi says something like, "Well, they're not the f-wording one that's f-wording dying! F-word!" To which her husband pounds a wall and yells, "F-word!" I realize that this is a pretty stressful situation, but surely, they have a bigger swear-word thesaurus out there?

Like any movie out there, there are some head-scratching turns in the plot. As Brad is sealing up his house, I kept thinking, "Why doesn't he just seal off a room for his wife?" Sure enough, he finally does just that, but not until some intense arguing between the couple with F-bombs being thrown around, a character shows up, a character leaves and masked health officials show up a few times.

At one point, Brad stands in his bathtub and dumbs a whole bottle of bleach all over him because... well I'm guessing because he's paranoid about being contaminated. Curiously enough, he doesn't get any chemical burns, nor does his skin or hair turn colors. I don't care how toxic the environment is, washing yourself with a toxic chemical isn't the answer.

The 'shocking' ending comes when health officials show up and drag his wife away. Then the masked health officials inform Brad that the air in his house that they tested (he gave them a sample of something in the house) showed that the house was full of toxic air. Because he sealed up the house, he wasn't getting any fresh air and he's received a deadly dose of the toxin. They aren't letting him out and tell him not to struggle. They nail boards over every window and door and start filling the house with gas. He's killed to stop the possible viral spread of the toxin. Outside, the officials inform Lexi that because she was shut outside, she will likely survive the exposure.

This is where I didn't get the movie. I'm pretty sure health officials aren't just going to kill someone in a house because they believe that he's a goner already. They can probably quarantine someone if they have to. I'd hate to be the official that called for the mass extinction of everyone that sealed up their house only to find out that they might have acted too fast if people survive.

All in all, it's an okay movie. It has a definite point about whether or not we're prepared for a terrorist attack, but it's message is muddled by its plot holes and the coarse language.

An article from the Onion about Dippin' Dots

I thought this was hilarious. Who among us hasn't bought a cup of Dippin' Dots and wondered, "Is this really what they're going to eat in the future?"

Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dippin' Dots

NEW YORK—"What is this melting dessert of churned animal's milk?" said the man, who came from a future world where Dippin' Dots is the sole ice cream for sale.

When your love for America goes too far...

In recent years, the American flag has been taken over as a symbol on the right for being a patriot. Apparently, freedom of speech only applies to some people when you say exactly what they want to hear. If you dissent from that, then you are anti-American. That's completely ridiculous I say.

Here's a song that takes that extreme view a little too far.

So you think it's all fun and games?

I work as a software tester, or a QA analyst or a Quality Control Specialist, or whatever you want to call me. Most people have no idea what I do all day. To put it simply: I make sure that the program that I'm assigned to works the way it's supposed to regardless of the person's expertise. That is, if you do something correct, it works correctly. If you do something incorrect, it should stop you.

My first job in the QA industry was when I worked for Sega in San Francisco in their test department. I didn't really intend to make it my career choice, but I kind of stumbled into something I'm quite good at, which is pointing out other people's mistakes without having to explain how to correct them.

Whenever I mention to people that my first job in QA was working testing video games, I'm usually met with the same response: "That sounds like fun." To which I reply, "You'd think that, wouldn't you?"

This usually gets a puzzled reaction.

I've written a story a while ago about how I equated getting a job testing video games like being told that you're going to die, but in a way that starts with good feelings first. Maybe a better analogy is that it's like drinking. At first, it's fun and games. Then you start to get bleary eyed and black out. Then you wake up with a feeling that you wasted hours of your life when you could have been doing something more productive. Finally, the hangover ends and you start over.

Here's a video that describes the video game testing world. From my perspective, it's absolutely accurate with what I went through.

Cartooning under the influence

It has long been my belief that those who create cartoons or kid shows do so under the influence of alcohol, drugs or both. All you have to do is look at some of the old and current shows to see evidence of this. Scooby Doo is an obvious example. You have four young adults driving around in a wildly-colored van called "The Mystery Machine," which is a little pompous of anyone owning a van. They drive around with a dog that can talk to them named Scooby. One of the characters, Shaggy, dresses in bell bottoms, looks like he hasn't bathed in weeks and considers Scooby his best friend. Both of them are always hungry as if they have munchies. They always are the ones that see the 'ghosts' first. No one believes them, of course, and hilarity ensues when pretty soon everyone is seeing the 'ghosts' that always turn out to be fake.

Spongebob Squarepants is another one. It's about a walking and talking sponge named 'Spongebob', who lives in the shell of a pineapple next to his neighbor, a squid, that lives in an Easter island head. Spongebob's best friend is a walking and talking starfish named Patrick that lives under a rock. He works at a restaurant called the Krusty Krab, which serves up the Krabby Patty, a hamburger-like thing complete with a bun, ketchup, pickles, lettuce and tomato. Curiously enough, they also have electricity, televisions and computers under water.

When Julia was younger, she got hooked on a show called Dora the Explorer. The show centers around the adventures of a little girl named Dora. Dora travels around to various places to help animals get home, run errands, getting to parties, etc. She wears a backpack with everything she needs in it and has a talking monkey that wears boots and nothing else, who is named Boots.



Dora gets whatever she needs from her backpack because it's a thinking and talking backpack that happens to have everything you could ever need. Unfortunately for us, Dora can't just take off her backpack and rummage through it. You have to call the backpack and decide what to choose that's best for the job.

Then there is Dora's map. In the backpack, she has a talking map called 'Map'. Like the backpack, Dora cannot just look at the map, she has to have you call 'Map'. The Map then starts singing about how much of a map he is, so you have to wait for him to finish. Once done singing, he starts to give you directions to where Dora needs to go. He repeats it several times so you don't forget. Then you have to tell Dora where to go. Seeing as how Dora is usually trying to get somewhere on time to rescue somebody or something, she certainly puts a lot of trust in the young viewer to tell her where to go. What if you weren't quite paying attention? Then you'd really get her lost. Thankfully, she already knows what you're going to say and repeats what she thought you'd say anyway.

The map's directions are interesting in that it only takes 3 steps to get anywhere on the map. His directions usually go something like this: "To get to the (random thing), go over the (random thing), around the (random thing) and under the (random thing) to get to the (random thing). Who knew that you could get anywhere in the world in just three steps? Dora not only made it to the North Pole to help Santa Claus in three steps, but she has also made it to the South Pole to help a baby penguin in three steps. You can substitute any prepositions into the plot line that runs like the writers were playing Mad Libs. "Let's see. Today, Dora has to go up the chocolate stalks, around the weeping mice and down the screaming slide to get to the monkey fiesta. Sound good?"

After that, Dora and Boots start singing the song with the directions in it like this: "Chocolate stalks. Weeping mice. Screaming Slide. Chocolate stalks. Weeping mice. Screaming slide. Where are we going? To the monkey fiesta. Where are we going? To the monkey fiesta."

Along the way, Dora constantly needs your help. She rounds the corner somewhere and asks you if you've seen the random thing that she's looking for. She'll ask, "Do you see the (random thing)? (pause) Where? (pause)" At this point, any older kid will be screaming "It's right freaking behind you!!!, but then the screen clicks with a pointer showing the right object.

To make that worse, Dora is also constantly stalked by a fox with a mask by the name of Swiper. Swiper "swipes" their stuff, but instead of stealing it like any good thief might, Swiper just throws the object that they need into some bushes or into a group of trees. It's then up to you, the viewer (of course), to tell Dora where all the objects are. And if those objects happen to be parts of the road or something they're traveling on, it's also up to you to tell her where the pieces fit.

On an aside here, some of the evildoers in some of the episodes comment about how smart Dora is, but I argue that she's getting plenty of f&*^ing help from her viewers. I've often remarked that "For a smart girl, you sure are helping her a lot."

Also along the way, Dora encounters some of her friends, which include no humans, save for her grandma, parents or cousin Diego. Her friends include a bull, an iguana, a bird and others. I don't know what they put in the water where she lives, but it seems to be passed along family lines. Her grandmother has admitted to talking to a tree made of chocolate when she was a little girl. Dora's grandmother has also given her a star pocket for Dora's backpack that allows her to catch talking stars.

I suppose I could forgive Dora's parents for allowing their very young daughter to explore the wilderness while giant talking animals try to hurt her or her progress. Or that she's allowed to travel long distances without a guardian. But to allow their child to experiment with hallucinogens? I'm not sure I can forgive that.

I'd love to see the team from social services coming to visit.

SS: "Where's you daughter, Dora?"

Dora's Parents: "She's going to her Grandmother's house with her best friend, Boots."

SS: "Is 'Boots' a nickname?"

DP: "No, that's his name."

SS: "Oh, well do you have a description of Boots in case we find them?"

DP: "Boots is about 3 feet tall. He's gray colored and wears red boots."

SS: "What else was he wearing?"

DP: "Nothing. He just wears boots."

SS: "Okay... He just wears boots... and has gray skin?"

DP: "Yes, he is a monkey you know."

SS: "Uhh huh... I see. So what was she going to do at her Grandmother's instead of going to school today?"

DP: "She's going to pick chocolate leaves from the chocolate tree that her Grandmother used to talk to when she was a kid."

SS: "Oh really? (squelch on radio). Send back up..."

Julia used to love Dora the Explorer. Once it was introduced as a cartoon to watch (not by me) there was no turning back. She insisted that she watch it. Even when she couldn't really talk that well as a toddler, she would point at the television and cry, "Do watch? Do watch? Dor! Dor!"

More recently, Julia has suddenly professed her distaste for Dora the Explorer. One day, she said this when Dora the Explorer came on, "Uggh! Dora? Can you turn it please?" Then it moved on to "Uggghh! I hate that show!"

More recently, she said this when Dora started after her other show ended, "Dad? What about the Dora problem?"

"What problem?" I asked.

"Dora's on. That's a problem."

I can see how some shows just have a natural age limit that repels any viewer above a certain age. I'm not sad to see her lose her Dora fixation. On the other hand, it's a lot more tolerable than the spin off show called, 'Go, Diego. Go!' in which Dora's cousin, who can talk to animals, goes around by himself in the jungles to rescue wild animals. He also has a talking camera and a talking backpack that doesn't just have anything, he can turn into anything. Curiously enough, he never turns into something that could get Diego there a lot faster, like a helicopter.

Cloverfield and batteries...

I went to see the movie Cloverfield two Saturdays ago. It's the new movie from the Bad Robot production group that brought you the shows Alias and Lost. J.J. Abrams is the producer. If you haven't seen the movie and plan on seeing it, which probably includes none of you, then stop reading. If you haven't seen it and probably won't, then keep on reading.

The movie is basically a monster movie in the same general premise that Godzilla was. A monster attacks a city for some reason and things get destroyed. Where it differs from monster movies like that is that it's shot to look like it was filmed on a small camcorder. This has been tried before in other films like the Blair Witch Project and the Last Broadcast. In the case of the Blair Witch Project, most of the 'scares' occur off screen. It's only at the end that we see something that's a little disturbing, but even that loses its luster after a second viewing.

In the case of Cloverfield, the movie purported to be footage found at the site in New York City formerly known as Central Park. The footage with a guy and a girl talking. It's the morning after of a sleep over involving Rob and Beth. It then cuts to a party where a woman named Lily is telling her boyfriend, Jason, Rob's brother, to man the camera for a going away party. Rob has just accepted a job in Japan and she threw the party.

Jason then quickly asks their buddy Hud to man the camera. Hud is a doofus, but he willingly starts filming and asking goofy questions. Along the way, he awkwardly tries to hit on Lily's friend Marlena.

The party is a stereotypical Manhattan party filled with tons of young and pretty city dwellers, filled with lots of indie rock and filled with lots of inane dialogue. I read one review of this movie in which the reviewer complained that the party scene was too long to the point that you wished that a giant monster would drop down on the sky and start wrecking havoc. I have to agree with a lot of that, but maybe that was the point. You really don't care too much for the characters because they seem like spoiled young adults, so when shit starts to happen, you sort of believe the confusion and selfish choices a few of them make.

At the party, Rob finally shows up and so does the girl he likes, Beth, who shows up with another guy! The word is 'ouch' to describe this encounter, but I'm not feeling sorry for this guy. He's apparently had years to describe his feelings for Beth, who he slept with once two weeks prior (the footage at the beginning was the morning after), but is surprised that she'd find someone else when he announced that he was taking a job in Japan. Rob and Beth fight, Beth leaves, and Rob leaves the party to feel sorry for himself. It's shortly after this point that a giant monster starts to attack the city.

Giant explosions happen across the city. A few buildings get destroyed. People start to freak out and run around in all directions. In the distance, it looks like a giant something is tearing up buildings. The people quickly decide to leave the city, but no one thinks to drive. Everyone starts to walk out of town across one of the bridges (forget which). Halfway across, it is attacked and it falls down, so the survivors of that have to turn around and get out another way. During this commotion, Beth calls Rob. She's hurt in her apartment building and is pleading for help. Rob, of course, decides to go find her. The problem is that this is the direction of the giant monster.

Along the way, they encounter the monster and its fight against the Army as well as some of the monster's babies, children or whatever they were. The babies look and act like little lizard spiders. The gang encounter the little monsters and have to run and hide. In the meantime, the monster is still wrecking havoc. The Army is considering blowing up Manhattan, so they only have a few hours to get out of town.

All in all, I thought it was a really good movie. Previous attempts at a first-person perspective movie have been mostly disappointing. This one had enough realism that you could believe that someone was shooting the footage of this event. The camera's narrator, Hud, while a little goofy, has the right amount of humor, fear, cowardice and nobility to save the footage from feeling hollow. You actually get that this guy is freaking out while running away from the monster.

Those with weak stomachs will want to avoid this film. I've heard of people getting really ill at all the bouncing and running around from the first-person camera, but I was fine when I watched it. If you go, don't be one of those people that were warned beforehand that the movie was a shaky perspective. The information is clearly out there that this is that type of movie. So if you're just one of those people that go to see movies without researching what you're getting yourself into, then I don't really feel sorry for you for seeing something you probably didn't like. Do your homework beforehand. Seriously, we live in the information age. If you can yap on your cellphone while you're supposed to be bagging your groceries and holding up the grocery store line, then you can take the time to get on a computer. Sit. Type. Click. Read. Easy. There. I feel better.

What's intriguing to me about this movie are that people aren't questioning the premise that a huge monster can suddenly appear and start destroying New York. I think that's an accepted fact that this couldn't seriously happen at any time. We are the jaded generation after all, or at least my generation is. I don't know about Generation Y, but I think it'd be the same. We've been raised on monster and fantasy movies that have pushed the envelope of what is real and what isn't real. However, when a movie like Independence Day comes along, people my age are more likely to nitpick the viability of Jeff Goldblum hacking into the alien mother ship's computer with a Macintosh laptop and giving their computer a virus than the viability of 13 huge ships flying across the universe undetected until they fly over our cities.

So I guess it shouldn't come as a shock to me that people are nitpicking Cloverfield because of its controversial use of batteries: cell phone batteries and camera batteries.

After the monster attacks and Rob gets his phone call from Beth, he quickly realizes that his cell phone battery is almost dead. So instead of rushing out of the city, he rushes into an electronics store, finds a new battery, slaps it into his phone and tries to contact Beth again. That's it. That's a huge controversy.

I've read many discussions on the internet movie forums where people are declaring how false it is that a person could just get a brand new cell phone battery and use it because the package always tells you to charge it before you use it. Then people that work for an electronics store claim that they have some sort of charge because the batteries have to be tested before they leave the factory. Then other people tell their stories about how they have tried this before and found that they needed to charge their battery. Then other people challenge that by stating that sometimes they lose their charge from sitting on the shelf and other times it still has some of that factory charge left. And it goes on and on.

The other controversy is about the battery in the camcorder that Hud uses. Most batteries that come with a camcorder generally last between an hour and two hours, so it stands to reason that some people don't believe that Hud could be filming for over 7 hours. Now here is where it gets a little stupid in my opinion.

First of all, it's never mentioned how long Hud films for. You get the impression that he either filmed continuously and had it edited out for the flim version, that he was shutting the camcorder off and on during the night. Either scenario will drain most batteries in a few hours. However, it's also pretty obvious that he was shutting the camera off and on as he had breaks in action. Even if you have a low-cost battery, you can stretch the battery life by shutting it off and on. My old camcorder from the early 1990s had a two-hour battery that I used one day at Disney World for almost the whole day. So now over a decade later we have made significant advances in battery life. I've seen batteries listed at Best Buy that last for over 6 hours.

The problem is, it's never spelled out for the viewer in the movie. So this has led to long discussions about the feasibility what type of camera it was, how long he filmed, whether or not he kept the camera on the whole time, whether or not he recorded the whole time, etc. As a result, people are confused.

Even my brother, Joe, was wondering about that. He admitted that he was a little confused about how long a battery should last.

That's the problem with the viewing public. We need things spelled out for us.

My one big question in the movie is the viability of New York clearing out. For sure, there are people scrambling out of the way, but the city seems devoid of running cars, kids and old people. I didn't get the sense that there was a mad scramble for all of New York to leave the city. I would think that this would take days. But again, this isn't spelled for me, so now I'm a hypocrite for even questioning it while I'm mocking people who question other aspects of the movie. So much for my original premise.

Funny video - Everyday Normal Guy rapper

I thought this was pretty funny. Watch out if listening without headphones. This video has several motherflipping curse words in this mother fricker...