I'm not a regular fan of energy drinks, but since they tend to be the big fade in our ever increasingly sleep deprived society, I will grab one on impulse if I've been up writing stupid comments about my football team, the Nebraska Cornhuskers, which I have been doing a lot lately. Normally, I just watch on the sidelines, but the team is struggling big time this year and I think it's because of two problems: the AD and the coach. Both, in my opinion, have got to go. I think I've been more than patient, but when you see your team embarrassed again and again on national television, it starts to get a little old.
This season, we've already been embarrassed at the likes of USC, who blew holes so wide into our defense that my Dad, who is on oxygen said that he could have run through them, and he could have two. Granted, he might not have gotten the big runs, but it would have been a nice five-yard gain and that's saying something considering how slow my Dad is now.
On Saturday, we were at the store buying some stuff to munch on for the Nebraska game against Missouri, which wasn't until 8:15 on ESPN that night. I was already kind of feeling tired since I have mowed the lawn earlier that day. Also, I had stayed up a little late the night before, so I was a little tired. I saw an energy drink called Full Throttle at the checkout in a small fridge for that night.
That night, we turned on the TV, grabbed our snacks, and sat down to watch TV. I grabbed my Full Throttle, popped the top and chugged it.
To say that the game was a bit of a disappointment would be saying it lightly. My team got humiliated again as the defense surrended 606 yards to an average team at best. Nebraska tends to make a lot of teams look better than they are lately, which is why I'm pretty freaking sick of the coach.
I, of course, stayed up a little too late venting on the message boards about the pitiful play of the team coupled with the poor planning of the coaches. Finally, a little before 2 am, I settled down to sleep... or so I thought.
Usually, my head will hit the pillow and I'm out like a light. This time, I had a little trouble falling asleep. I waited and waited, but nothing happened. I couldn't sleep. Plus, I'm sweating a lot, even though I had a fan on me. I got up, went to the bathroom again and noticed that my heart seemed to be racing. I put my fingers up to my neck and checked my pulse. It was beating at 120 beats per minute. No wonder I couldn't fall asleep!
I did the only thing that I could think of. I took two generic pink allergy pills, the kind that make you drowsy. Sure enough, at about 3:30 am, I started to get really drowsy. Finally, I headed to bed.
Right on cue, Julia woke me up a little before 8 am, which gave me about 4 hours of sleep. All right...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
My huge head or when they say three days, they mean three days...
I recently sent for some sunglasses through the mail because I lost my last pair. And when I say 'lost', I mean that someone stole them from my front porch. Either that, or I mistakenly threw them away or put them in a place I would never see them again.
Buying sunglasses is always a risky proposition for me because of my large noggin. My head is a bit larger than the normal-sized head, which has caused some problems for me.
When I went out for football in high school, they had to special order a football helmet for me because they couldn't find a helmet that was big enough for my huge melon. They had me try on everything they had, but nothing fit. Then, the coaches called around and got a helmet for me from a neighboring school that had gold on their helmets rather than our usual white color. It fit, but I asked, "What about the gold?"
The head coach, a fairly surly man, said, "Maybe if you turn into a player, we'll get you one." Ouch. I was on the scout team, so it didn't look good. Despite that setback, they did find one. I guess they didn't want me to attract too much attention standing on the sidelines with my gold helmet.
When I was in Army basic training, I ran into this problem again when they tried sizing me for a hat. We split into lines, and we walked down to a guy at the end, who looked you up, tied a tape measure around your head, picked up a hat, and placed it on your head. I walked up and he did just that, except when he pulled the tape measure around my head, it didn't line up with his hat sizes listed on the measuring tape.
The man grunted a surprise like, "Oh my goodness!" Then he grabbed the largest hat that he had, a 7 and 3/4 hat, and put it on my head. He tried to pull down, but it wouldn't come down to my forehead. He tugged and tugged and it wouldn't move. Of course, this led to a stoppage of the process as everyone within earshot got to come by and look at my enormous head. They then sent me to a seamstress and she measured my head. She said she would have some modified hats for me later that day.
So for the rest of that day, while the rest of the guys around me had their new uniforms and hats on, I had no hat on to compliment my new uniform. This led to several calls for me to put my hat on when a sergeant would pass by. This was followed by a laughing explanation from the sergeant watching us that my head was too big and that hats were coming. My how they all laughed...
Even in my last years of the Army National Guard, the largest kevlar helmet didn't fit right. The leather liner that you placed inside the head webbing, which then could be adjusted, didn't fit my head at all. Frustrated at the tight squeeze after a while, I resorted to wearing the helmet with no liner whatsoever. Instead, the helmet just sat there on my head amongst the webbing. I placed hankerchiefs and foam on top of my head for padding, which probably would have been dangerous had I gone to war at the time.
So when I try to buy sunglasses, (see the nice segue?) I often have to try on pair after pair until I find a pair that's just right for my huge head. One of two problems can occur. Either the head width isn't wide enough or the length of the sunglass arms aren't long enough. Sometimes, it's both.
So I was searching for some sunglasses to replace my stolen sunglasses with. I opted for some Gargoyles sunglasses, which was a brand that I had worn before with some moderate fit success. I paid for it online and selected 3-day UPS select for my delivery time. The package was due to arrive on September 28th.
I waited for my sunglasses to arrive and followed the progress online. I noticed the following progress:
Sept 25th - 4:50 PM - The package is picked up
Sept 25th - 9:08 PM - The package leaves Fort Meyers, Florida
Sept 26th - 12:03 AM - The package arrives in Hialeah, Florida
Sept 26th - 3:24 AM - The package leaves Hialeah, Florida
Sept 26th - 5:00 AM - The package arrives in Miami, Florida
Sept 26th - 8:21 AM - The package leaves Miami, Florida
Sept 26th - 9:56 AM - The package arrives in West Columbia, South Carolina
Sept 26th - 10:56 AM - The package leaves West Columbia, South Carolina
Sept 26th - 12:11 PM - The package arrives in Louisville, Kentucky
Sept 26th - 3:48 PM - The package leaves Louisville, Kentucky
Then I logged in that night to the UPS site and noticed this next entry
Sept 26th - 4:31 PM - The package arrives in Omaha, Nebraska
I'm then thinking, "Nice! I'll get my package a day early."
Then I noticed the next entry.
Sept 26th - 9:52 PM - The package leaves Omaha, Nebraska
I then started to wonder what that could mean. Was it on its way to my address? Maybe it's on its way to the delivery center in Omaha. Sadly, neither were true.
The next day, this entry appeared.
Sept 26th - 10:25 PM - The package arrives in Des Moines, Iowa.
That's right. My package hadn't arrived a day early after arriving in Omaha, where it was supposed to go. Instead, it arrived in Omaha and then proceeded to take a detour to Des Moines, Iowa. I thought for a second that maybe something was wrong with my address, but my check on my order form showed the correct address in Omaha.
That night, I checked the delivery progress again. There was a new trip for the package.
Sept 27 - 3:36 PM - The package leaves Des Moines, Iowa for the destination city.
Sept 27 - 6:22 Pm - The package arrives in Omaha, Nebraska.
Finally, my package had been shipped to the proper address. While the delivery process went to 7 different cities and 9 separate trips, I did indeed get my package on the third day. I guess they didn't want me to think that if I got it a day early, that all 3-day packages were like that.
I can picture the scene at the dock when it arrived in Omaha the first time.
"Hey, we got a small package that's supposed to be delivered on Friday, but it's Wednesday night. Should we let it go on so he gets it on Thursday?"
The dock supervisor is stunned. "No, we can't let him get it on Thursday! We need to have it go to another city so that he gets it on time. What if everyone expected all 3-day deliveries to get there a day early, too? It would causes unreasonable expectations! Send it on to Des Moines. They'll send it back when they see the shipping address."
I have nothing against the fine people at UPS, but even they might admit that a customer might consider it odd that their package took a detour from its arrival in the destination city, its departure to another city and then its arrival again in the destination city.
So I finally get my sunglasses on time on Friday, which is when they should have come anyway. I look at the package. It's a huge, long box about 11 by 14 in size. The sunglasses box is only two inches by 5 inches. It's a little overkill, but I open the box and put on the sunglasses. The sunglasses fit, but just barely. In fact, the arms of the sunglasses are cutting into my temples and cutting off blood flow. I went outside when them on to see what they were like, but after three minutes of wearing them, I could tell that I was going to get a massive headache if I were to wear them all day.
I reluctantly submitted a return request to the site I got them from with a small explanation about why. They responded later that day with a return number and address. I was instructed to return the sunglasses in a high quality box, preferably the one that they came in.
After I got off work, I went to a local package mailing store and said that I needed to ship a package by UPS Ground to Florida, where the sunglasses were shipped from. The lady took one look at the box and said, "I'm sorry, we can't ship Ground in this box."
I had noticed that the box was an Express Box. Although I ordered 3-day Select, the box clearly stated not to use it for anything but air delivery. I figured they just ran out of boxes and shipped mine in whatever they had.
I said, "This is what they shipped me when I had it shipped 3-day Select."
The lady said, "Well, they must have a deal with their shipper then."
"Can I just cover up the box and ship it that way?"
"No," she replied. "If I ship it in this box it must go by one of these shipping options (pointing to the options on the box)".
"Well, how much are we talking for shipping costs?"
She muttered to herself while typing in the address of the package and then responded, "Fifty six dollars."
I had only paid 5 dollars for the original shipping.
I laugh, "Fifty six dollars to ship this?! Umm... That's okay. I'll just find another box and ship it later."
Not an overly gripping story, but a little amusing...
Here's an image to show that I'm not crazy. It did happen.
Buying sunglasses is always a risky proposition for me because of my large noggin. My head is a bit larger than the normal-sized head, which has caused some problems for me.
When I went out for football in high school, they had to special order a football helmet for me because they couldn't find a helmet that was big enough for my huge melon. They had me try on everything they had, but nothing fit. Then, the coaches called around and got a helmet for me from a neighboring school that had gold on their helmets rather than our usual white color. It fit, but I asked, "What about the gold?"
The head coach, a fairly surly man, said, "Maybe if you turn into a player, we'll get you one." Ouch. I was on the scout team, so it didn't look good. Despite that setback, they did find one. I guess they didn't want me to attract too much attention standing on the sidelines with my gold helmet.
When I was in Army basic training, I ran into this problem again when they tried sizing me for a hat. We split into lines, and we walked down to a guy at the end, who looked you up, tied a tape measure around your head, picked up a hat, and placed it on your head. I walked up and he did just that, except when he pulled the tape measure around my head, it didn't line up with his hat sizes listed on the measuring tape.
The man grunted a surprise like, "Oh my goodness!" Then he grabbed the largest hat that he had, a 7 and 3/4 hat, and put it on my head. He tried to pull down, but it wouldn't come down to my forehead. He tugged and tugged and it wouldn't move. Of course, this led to a stoppage of the process as everyone within earshot got to come by and look at my enormous head. They then sent me to a seamstress and she measured my head. She said she would have some modified hats for me later that day.
So for the rest of that day, while the rest of the guys around me had their new uniforms and hats on, I had no hat on to compliment my new uniform. This led to several calls for me to put my hat on when a sergeant would pass by. This was followed by a laughing explanation from the sergeant watching us that my head was too big and that hats were coming. My how they all laughed...
Even in my last years of the Army National Guard, the largest kevlar helmet didn't fit right. The leather liner that you placed inside the head webbing, which then could be adjusted, didn't fit my head at all. Frustrated at the tight squeeze after a while, I resorted to wearing the helmet with no liner whatsoever. Instead, the helmet just sat there on my head amongst the webbing. I placed hankerchiefs and foam on top of my head for padding, which probably would have been dangerous had I gone to war at the time.
So when I try to buy sunglasses, (see the nice segue?) I often have to try on pair after pair until I find a pair that's just right for my huge head. One of two problems can occur. Either the head width isn't wide enough or the length of the sunglass arms aren't long enough. Sometimes, it's both.
So I was searching for some sunglasses to replace my stolen sunglasses with. I opted for some Gargoyles sunglasses, which was a brand that I had worn before with some moderate fit success. I paid for it online and selected 3-day UPS select for my delivery time. The package was due to arrive on September 28th.
I waited for my sunglasses to arrive and followed the progress online. I noticed the following progress:
Sept 25th - 4:50 PM - The package is picked up
Sept 25th - 9:08 PM - The package leaves Fort Meyers, Florida
Sept 26th - 12:03 AM - The package arrives in Hialeah, Florida
Sept 26th - 3:24 AM - The package leaves Hialeah, Florida
Sept 26th - 5:00 AM - The package arrives in Miami, Florida
Sept 26th - 8:21 AM - The package leaves Miami, Florida
Sept 26th - 9:56 AM - The package arrives in West Columbia, South Carolina
Sept 26th - 10:56 AM - The package leaves West Columbia, South Carolina
Sept 26th - 12:11 PM - The package arrives in Louisville, Kentucky
Sept 26th - 3:48 PM - The package leaves Louisville, Kentucky
Then I logged in that night to the UPS site and noticed this next entry
Sept 26th - 4:31 PM - The package arrives in Omaha, Nebraska
I'm then thinking, "Nice! I'll get my package a day early."
Then I noticed the next entry.
Sept 26th - 9:52 PM - The package leaves Omaha, Nebraska
I then started to wonder what that could mean. Was it on its way to my address? Maybe it's on its way to the delivery center in Omaha. Sadly, neither were true.
The next day, this entry appeared.
Sept 26th - 10:25 PM - The package arrives in Des Moines, Iowa.
That's right. My package hadn't arrived a day early after arriving in Omaha, where it was supposed to go. Instead, it arrived in Omaha and then proceeded to take a detour to Des Moines, Iowa. I thought for a second that maybe something was wrong with my address, but my check on my order form showed the correct address in Omaha.
That night, I checked the delivery progress again. There was a new trip for the package.
Sept 27 - 3:36 PM - The package leaves Des Moines, Iowa for the destination city.
Sept 27 - 6:22 Pm - The package arrives in Omaha, Nebraska.
Finally, my package had been shipped to the proper address. While the delivery process went to 7 different cities and 9 separate trips, I did indeed get my package on the third day. I guess they didn't want me to think that if I got it a day early, that all 3-day packages were like that.
I can picture the scene at the dock when it arrived in Omaha the first time.
"Hey, we got a small package that's supposed to be delivered on Friday, but it's Wednesday night. Should we let it go on so he gets it on Thursday?"
The dock supervisor is stunned. "No, we can't let him get it on Thursday! We need to have it go to another city so that he gets it on time. What if everyone expected all 3-day deliveries to get there a day early, too? It would causes unreasonable expectations! Send it on to Des Moines. They'll send it back when they see the shipping address."
I have nothing against the fine people at UPS, but even they might admit that a customer might consider it odd that their package took a detour from its arrival in the destination city, its departure to another city and then its arrival again in the destination city.
So I finally get my sunglasses on time on Friday, which is when they should have come anyway. I look at the package. It's a huge, long box about 11 by 14 in size. The sunglasses box is only two inches by 5 inches. It's a little overkill, but I open the box and put on the sunglasses. The sunglasses fit, but just barely. In fact, the arms of the sunglasses are cutting into my temples and cutting off blood flow. I went outside when them on to see what they were like, but after three minutes of wearing them, I could tell that I was going to get a massive headache if I were to wear them all day.
I reluctantly submitted a return request to the site I got them from with a small explanation about why. They responded later that day with a return number and address. I was instructed to return the sunglasses in a high quality box, preferably the one that they came in.
After I got off work, I went to a local package mailing store and said that I needed to ship a package by UPS Ground to Florida, where the sunglasses were shipped from. The lady took one look at the box and said, "I'm sorry, we can't ship Ground in this box."
I had noticed that the box was an Express Box. Although I ordered 3-day Select, the box clearly stated not to use it for anything but air delivery. I figured they just ran out of boxes and shipped mine in whatever they had.
I said, "This is what they shipped me when I had it shipped 3-day Select."
The lady said, "Well, they must have a deal with their shipper then."
"Can I just cover up the box and ship it that way?"
"No," she replied. "If I ship it in this box it must go by one of these shipping options (pointing to the options on the box)".
"Well, how much are we talking for shipping costs?"
She muttered to herself while typing in the address of the package and then responded, "Fifty six dollars."
I had only paid 5 dollars for the original shipping.
I laugh, "Fifty six dollars to ship this?! Umm... That's okay. I'll just find another box and ship it later."
Not an overly gripping story, but a little amusing...
Here's an image to show that I'm not crazy. It did happen.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I get Laura's car dirty...
Yesterday, I committed a cardinal sin against my wife, Laura.
There are a few sins that a man must never try to do. That list includes: never comment about her weight, never oggle another woman in her presence, never declare your admiration for a hot actress in a movie, never wake her up with your snoring, never leave the seat up, never scratch her car, and there are many others.
I can add a new one to my never list: never get your wife’s car dirty with her in the car. This is not as severe as the 'never scratch your wife's car with a key while she's watching, which I've done, but it's still high up there.
I mentioned that Laura got a newer used car, a Mazda 3, which also has a stick shift. Because of her lack of prowess with the stick shift, she has been having me drive on the days that we commute together. This has led to some interesting car rides to say the least. Now Laura can barely shift without lurching the car, but when I drive, she seems to expect total control of the stick shift on my part. I lurch the car just a tad and she’s exclaiming “Jeez!” or “Easy!”.
Also, when I’m driving her car, which I do when we commute together two or three times a week, she’s the world’s worst back-seat driver, except she’s in the passenger seat.
I’ll be cruising along at a comfortable speed and invariably, I’ll hear things like, “Why are you going so slow?”, “Why are people passing you?” or “Shouldn’t you be driving faster?”
If I’m in a lane that looks a slightly more congested than the one next to us, she’ll recommend, “Get in the other lane.” or “Why are you in the slow lane?”
There has yet to be a car ride yet with both of us in her car where she doesn’t critique some aspect of my driving skills.
The other day, I was driving her car when she mentioned something about my driving. We were almost home and I swear I had heard at least a dozen suggestions on how to drive better, which is pretty ironic coming from someone that drives like they want to dry hump the car in front of them. Having Laura drive is akin to being in a roller coaster. You know the ride will end soon and you pray to God that you get there in one piece. I find it’s just better if I not look up when she drives because it’s only bound to scare the living shit out of me when a line a cars start to slow down and Laura doesn’t slow down until the last second. I make frantic stomps with my foot to signal a stop. Finally she does and she looks over at me and asks, “What?”
But anyway, I was driving the other day with this model citizen of driving (just kidding honey) when I got another tip on driving. I turned to her and said in an exhausted tone, “Will you shut the f*&k up?!” My meaning was to get her to stop with the suggestions and for her to laugh. Amazingly, I nailed the right tone and she did laugh.
So yesterday morning, I’m driving again and I stop at the local gas station to get a roll of Little Debbie donuts as I had forgotten in my haste to get Julia out the door, to eat breakfast. I run in, grab the donuts and get back in the car. I pull around the back of the gas station to a side rode, which happens to have some construction. Unbeknown to me, I am heading for a rather large dirty water puddle (it had been raining all night so everything was wet). I didn’t see it because I was in the process of shifting and opening my pack of donuts at the same time, which is possible but distracting.
Laura exclaimed, “Watch it!”
We hit the puddle at a slow speed, but it was enough to send a cascade of dirty water over the entire car. She still has a nice wax job on the Mazda, so it rolled off quickly down the entire wind shield and passenger window. It rolled off the car, but many small beads of brown water clung to every part of the car.
Laura said something like, “Ungh… Ungh… You idiot!”
I laugh and exclaim, “Sorry!”
She glared at me, “Look at my car! Does it look like I’m laughing?”
I suppress a smile and say nothing. She exclaimed, “What did you think was going to happen when you hit a dirty puddle, sunshine and roses to fall on my car?”
“No,” I retort with a smile.
“It’s not funny,” Laura said defiantly. “And you know what? You are going to take my car to the car wash and get it cleaned today. And it’s coming out of your pocket!”
I laugh a little and we continue. The entire trip to work, she periodically pointed to various dirty spots on the outside and muttered, “Look at that.!” I nodded. Later, I did get her car washed. I’m not that much of an idiot to leave her car dirty when I picked her up that afternoon.
There are a few sins that a man must never try to do. That list includes: never comment about her weight, never oggle another woman in her presence, never declare your admiration for a hot actress in a movie, never wake her up with your snoring, never leave the seat up, never scratch her car, and there are many others.
I can add a new one to my never list: never get your wife’s car dirty with her in the car. This is not as severe as the 'never scratch your wife's car with a key while she's watching, which I've done, but it's still high up there.
I mentioned that Laura got a newer used car, a Mazda 3, which also has a stick shift. Because of her lack of prowess with the stick shift, she has been having me drive on the days that we commute together. This has led to some interesting car rides to say the least. Now Laura can barely shift without lurching the car, but when I drive, she seems to expect total control of the stick shift on my part. I lurch the car just a tad and she’s exclaiming “Jeez!” or “Easy!”.
Also, when I’m driving her car, which I do when we commute together two or three times a week, she’s the world’s worst back-seat driver, except she’s in the passenger seat.
I’ll be cruising along at a comfortable speed and invariably, I’ll hear things like, “Why are you going so slow?”, “Why are people passing you?” or “Shouldn’t you be driving faster?”
If I’m in a lane that looks a slightly more congested than the one next to us, she’ll recommend, “Get in the other lane.” or “Why are you in the slow lane?”
There has yet to be a car ride yet with both of us in her car where she doesn’t critique some aspect of my driving skills.
The other day, I was driving her car when she mentioned something about my driving. We were almost home and I swear I had heard at least a dozen suggestions on how to drive better, which is pretty ironic coming from someone that drives like they want to dry hump the car in front of them. Having Laura drive is akin to being in a roller coaster. You know the ride will end soon and you pray to God that you get there in one piece. I find it’s just better if I not look up when she drives because it’s only bound to scare the living shit out of me when a line a cars start to slow down and Laura doesn’t slow down until the last second. I make frantic stomps with my foot to signal a stop. Finally she does and she looks over at me and asks, “What?”
But anyway, I was driving the other day with this model citizen of driving (just kidding honey) when I got another tip on driving. I turned to her and said in an exhausted tone, “Will you shut the f*&k up?!” My meaning was to get her to stop with the suggestions and for her to laugh. Amazingly, I nailed the right tone and she did laugh.
So yesterday morning, I’m driving again and I stop at the local gas station to get a roll of Little Debbie donuts as I had forgotten in my haste to get Julia out the door, to eat breakfast. I run in, grab the donuts and get back in the car. I pull around the back of the gas station to a side rode, which happens to have some construction. Unbeknown to me, I am heading for a rather large dirty water puddle (it had been raining all night so everything was wet). I didn’t see it because I was in the process of shifting and opening my pack of donuts at the same time, which is possible but distracting.
Laura exclaimed, “Watch it!”
We hit the puddle at a slow speed, but it was enough to send a cascade of dirty water over the entire car. She still has a nice wax job on the Mazda, so it rolled off quickly down the entire wind shield and passenger window. It rolled off the car, but many small beads of brown water clung to every part of the car.
Laura said something like, “Ungh… Ungh… You idiot!”
I laugh and exclaim, “Sorry!”
She glared at me, “Look at my car! Does it look like I’m laughing?”
I suppress a smile and say nothing. She exclaimed, “What did you think was going to happen when you hit a dirty puddle, sunshine and roses to fall on my car?”
“No,” I retort with a smile.
“It’s not funny,” Laura said defiantly. “And you know what? You are going to take my car to the car wash and get it cleaned today. And it’s coming out of your pocket!”
I laugh a little and we continue. The entire trip to work, she periodically pointed to various dirty spots on the outside and muttered, “Look at that.!” I nodded. Later, I did get her car washed. I’m not that much of an idiot to leave her car dirty when I picked her up that afternoon.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Redundency fun with the DMV
I think I mentioned that we just got a newer used car for Laura. Since we had to shell out money to license it, I checked the DMV website to check how much we'll need.
For a living, I am a QA Tester of software programs. I am paid to notice things that most people ignore. Looking at this page, I was struck by this field:
Notice anything wrong with it?
The field is named "Vehicle VIN Number". VIN stands for Vehicle Identification Number. So basically, the field is called "Vehicle Vehicle Identification Number Number".
If you don't enter the right VIN, the following error appears: "Vehicle VIN Number is required."
Again, you are prompted to enter the Vehicle Vehicle Identification Number Number. To be fair, the VIN evolved into being called the Vehicle VIN Number due to its popular usage, but that still doesn't make it right.
It's a lot like when a person asks for an ATM machine. You are basically asking for an Automated Teller Machine Machine in which you will enter your PIN number, or Personal Identification Number Number if you prefer...
For a living, I am a QA Tester of software programs. I am paid to notice things that most people ignore. Looking at this page, I was struck by this field:
Notice anything wrong with it?
The field is named "Vehicle VIN Number". VIN stands for Vehicle Identification Number. So basically, the field is called "Vehicle Vehicle Identification Number Number".
If you don't enter the right VIN, the following error appears: "Vehicle VIN Number is required."
Again, you are prompted to enter the Vehicle Vehicle Identification Number Number. To be fair, the VIN evolved into being called the Vehicle VIN Number due to its popular usage, but that still doesn't make it right.
It's a lot like when a person asks for an ATM machine. You are basically asking for an Automated Teller Machine Machine in which you will enter your PIN number, or Personal Identification Number Number if you prefer...
Friday, August 31, 2007
Laura drives a stick shift... sort of...
We recently got a used car for Laura. It was decided that we could no longer put off getting a different car for her. I guess the fact that it leaked oil like a stuck pig, has had no air conditioning for the last two years, shuddered at stop lights, shaked a little when accelerating and had over 240,000 miles on it had something to do with it losing it's appeal in Laura's eyes. I guess she didn't like the drenching car rides home in 100 degree weather. I tried to tell her that sweating is a cleansing process and to enjoy it, but she didn't buy it.
Laura spotted her dream car one day when we dropped her old car off to get a seal fixed in the engine block. We had to rent a car and the car they gave us was a Mazda 3. Laura fell in love with it. The fact that it seemed to be able to go from 0 to 60 in way under 10 seconds might have had something to do with it. Laura tends to be a speed demon and is constantly urging me to speed or questioning why I'm not speeding.
We looked at used Mazda 3s, but were disappointed to see that most were out of our price range that we felt comfortable paying. I suggested that she look at getting one with a manual transmission, which seemed to knock 1500 dollars off the blue book value.
Laura agreed that this was an option, but the only problem was that Laura couldn't drive a stick shift.
I had learned how to drive one when I was working bridge construction and had to drive the huge dump truck. The two cars after that had a manual transmission, so I have plenty of experience driving one. I had tried to teach Laura on two occasions when I coincidentally had a manual transmission car when we were dating. Those occasions were a disaster as Laura couldn't seem to get the car out of first gear.
I would smoothly say, "Eaaase out the clutch."
She would pull the clutch off very suddenly while punching the gas. The car lurched and lurched.
After many instances of this, I was no longer smoothly saying anything. Instead, I was screaming, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" as the car lurched and buckled forward. I was envisioning permanent transmission damage.
So it was with a big of apprehension when Laura decided that she was going to compromise and get the stick shift Mazda 3 that we had seen at a local car dealership.
Agreed, not everyone needs to know how to drive a manual transmission before buying one, although it helps.
I always think of the show The Amazing Race when I think of manual transmissions. The show has been on the air for years now, so you would assume that every contestant has seen the show by now. Every season, the contestants will get to a country and have to grab a car to drive that has a manual transmission. Most teams jump in and drive off. There is at least one team that will get in the car and go, "It's a stick! I don't know how to drive a stick!"
Now if you've ever seen the show, they always go to at least country where the dominant transmission is a manual one. Why on Earth would you not practice before you start filming the show? But I digress...
Laura has been out practicing on her own and is getting pretty decent at shifting. At first, she was cheating in that she'd come up to a Stop sign and then come to rolling stop and then go again, which totally defeats the purpose. I ordered her to come to a complete stop in preparation of the first time that she had to stop at a stop light.
We have been commuting together three days a week to save on gas and so far, it's been me that's driven her car to work. There are three reasons for this. One, she isn't confident enough to drive herself. Two, she claims that I tend to yell at her when she's suddenly forgetting how to shift into first gear, which is more or less true, but I disagree on the tone and severity of the yelling. Three, she likes to be dropped off at her building by the front door as it saves her the extra time that she'd normally be parking and walking back to the building.
She has taken the car to work by herself, but she's still nervous. Whenever Laura kills it at a stoplight, she seems to take a step back in progress. Then, she's more tentative, which makes it worse.
Laura spotted her dream car one day when we dropped her old car off to get a seal fixed in the engine block. We had to rent a car and the car they gave us was a Mazda 3. Laura fell in love with it. The fact that it seemed to be able to go from 0 to 60 in way under 10 seconds might have had something to do with it. Laura tends to be a speed demon and is constantly urging me to speed or questioning why I'm not speeding.
We looked at used Mazda 3s, but were disappointed to see that most were out of our price range that we felt comfortable paying. I suggested that she look at getting one with a manual transmission, which seemed to knock 1500 dollars off the blue book value.
Laura agreed that this was an option, but the only problem was that Laura couldn't drive a stick shift.
I had learned how to drive one when I was working bridge construction and had to drive the huge dump truck. The two cars after that had a manual transmission, so I have plenty of experience driving one. I had tried to teach Laura on two occasions when I coincidentally had a manual transmission car when we were dating. Those occasions were a disaster as Laura couldn't seem to get the car out of first gear.
I would smoothly say, "Eaaase out the clutch."
She would pull the clutch off very suddenly while punching the gas. The car lurched and lurched.
After many instances of this, I was no longer smoothly saying anything. Instead, I was screaming, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" as the car lurched and buckled forward. I was envisioning permanent transmission damage.
So it was with a big of apprehension when Laura decided that she was going to compromise and get the stick shift Mazda 3 that we had seen at a local car dealership.
Agreed, not everyone needs to know how to drive a manual transmission before buying one, although it helps.
I always think of the show The Amazing Race when I think of manual transmissions. The show has been on the air for years now, so you would assume that every contestant has seen the show by now. Every season, the contestants will get to a country and have to grab a car to drive that has a manual transmission. Most teams jump in and drive off. There is at least one team that will get in the car and go, "It's a stick! I don't know how to drive a stick!"
Now if you've ever seen the show, they always go to at least country where the dominant transmission is a manual one. Why on Earth would you not practice before you start filming the show? But I digress...
Laura has been out practicing on her own and is getting pretty decent at shifting. At first, she was cheating in that she'd come up to a Stop sign and then come to rolling stop and then go again, which totally defeats the purpose. I ordered her to come to a complete stop in preparation of the first time that she had to stop at a stop light.
We have been commuting together three days a week to save on gas and so far, it's been me that's driven her car to work. There are three reasons for this. One, she isn't confident enough to drive herself. Two, she claims that I tend to yell at her when she's suddenly forgetting how to shift into first gear, which is more or less true, but I disagree on the tone and severity of the yelling. Three, she likes to be dropped off at her building by the front door as it saves her the extra time that she'd normally be parking and walking back to the building.
She has taken the car to work by herself, but she's still nervous. Whenever Laura kills it at a stoplight, she seems to take a step back in progress. Then, she's more tentative, which makes it worse.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
We saw the Simpsons Movie with Julia...
I'm starting to feel the need to get back into the swing of things and put out sordid details of my personal life for all of the world to read. Heaven knows, I don't spend nearly enough time dishing with my fellow employees to get all of this out of my system. My wife clearly is tired of hearing me talk about them as she recently admitted to me that she usually only pays attention to the first and last thing that I've told her, which is really quite touching.
On Saturday, we decided to go see a movie as a family. Usually, we're stuck with the family fare of movies like Ice Age, the Shrek movies, and such, but recently we did get to see A Night at the Museum with Ben Stiller, so we're hopefully starting to swing towards some movies we can all enjoy. Laura suggested that we go to see Underdog, but then I suggested that we go see The Simpsons Movie. Laura shrugged and said, "Sure". Julia seemed to be just as excited to see either movie, so it was settled on The Simpsons Movie.
I had heard from a co-worker who took his son to see The Simpsons Movie that it was very inappropriate for children. I heard it, but completely forgot that he told me this until he reminded me on Monday that he told me not to see it.
I guess I kind of knew what I was in for by taking out daughter Julia to see the movie. She had just turned 6 about two weeks ago. I remembered back that when I was her age I was often seeing movies that I probably shouldn't have like Jaws or Smokey and the Bandit. We also had HBO in our house so seeing those movies wasn't too hard because my parents couldn't sit down and watch everything with us. I think they were trusting the judgment of my older brothers, but they tended to gravitate towards the movies that my twin brother, Bill, and I shouldn't have been watching, so I'll just blame them (read with sarcasm guys...).
The Simpsons Movie is rated PG-13 and for good reason. While the series often features mature humor with their violence and sexual innuendo, it's still a little tame by movie standards. Free of the shackles of TV censors, The Simpsons Movie amps up the jokes to a more vulgar degree.
The movie centers around the pollution in the lake in Springfield and how Homer's love of a pig ultimately dooms the town. It seems hard to believe that the two are related, but they are.
One part of the movie really stood out for us...
Homer and Bart are fighting early in the movie. Homer then starts daring Bart to do things. Ultimately, he dares Bart to skateboard naked to the Krusty Burger and back or he'll call Bart cowardly for the rest of his life. Bart takes off naked. For a while, you only see his bottom. Then he switches to the front view and his lower is body blocked by a series of sight gags. Then, he moves behind a fence and you get a nice view of his... umm... noodle... before he trips and plasters his naked body in front of a glass window with only Ned Flander's french fry covering up that part.
Laura and I roared with laughter, but also cringed. At the same time, we both looked over at each other and winceed. Julia was roaring with laughter.
All in all the movie is really funny with only a few parts that made us wince: A character flips a crowd off, two guys kiss and a few references to sex. Otherwise, it's a real family pleaser!
The next day, we are at the YMCA to go swimming. Julia is getting dressed in the family locker room when she tells me, "Daddy, do you know what my favorite part of The Simpsons Movie was?"
I ask, "What?"
Now I'm not a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but I did gather some subtle hints that peaked my interest and gave me a good guess.
Earlier that day, I was getting dressed and three times during that process of getting dressed in my bedroom, Julia burst in. I finally had to yell at her to stop walking in as I was trying to get dressed.
So later that day at the YMCA when Julia said, "When you get to see Bart's WEINER!!", I really wasn't that surprised for some reason. I had a hunch you could say...
"You did, huh?" I asked sheepishly.
"YEAH! It was so FUNNY!!!" she laughed.
I laughed, but then reminded her that this probably isn't a very good topic to discuss at school because it was inappropriate. She agreed.
I think I remember bragging all the time in grade school that I got to see a lot of movies that I probably shouldn't have like Animal House and Caddyshack, but that was in the 70s when such actions were deemed cool. Nowadays, it could probably get you into some hot water with other nosy parents.
I would like to point out that we in no way let Julia watch stuff that's inappropriate for her. You would think that me with my liberal dose of unhealthy movies when I was younger wouldn't mind if Julia got exposed to movies for older viewers. Well, you would be wrong. While I cherish every memory of that time, it also made me a paranoid mess when I was growing up. You try to relax swimming in a lake during the summer when you think that there's a slight possibility that a shark like Jaws or piranhas like the movie Piranha are going to attack you. You try to sleep when you think that some demon in your house is going to possess you, like in the Amityville Horror. You try not to be afraid of spiders after watching Kingdom of the Spiders when you're a little kid. For good measure, show a little kid Earthquake and then ask him if he's afraid of the Earth moving beneath him.
This was a lesson, though. There are several sites out there, like Parent Preview, that screen movies and rate them based on family friendliness. They even list the objectionable parts. Next time, I'm going to check out that site before going to see a questionable movie.
On Saturday, we decided to go see a movie as a family. Usually, we're stuck with the family fare of movies like Ice Age, the Shrek movies, and such, but recently we did get to see A Night at the Museum with Ben Stiller, so we're hopefully starting to swing towards some movies we can all enjoy. Laura suggested that we go to see Underdog, but then I suggested that we go see The Simpsons Movie. Laura shrugged and said, "Sure". Julia seemed to be just as excited to see either movie, so it was settled on The Simpsons Movie.
I had heard from a co-worker who took his son to see The Simpsons Movie that it was very inappropriate for children. I heard it, but completely forgot that he told me this until he reminded me on Monday that he told me not to see it.
I guess I kind of knew what I was in for by taking out daughter Julia to see the movie. She had just turned 6 about two weeks ago. I remembered back that when I was her age I was often seeing movies that I probably shouldn't have like Jaws or Smokey and the Bandit. We also had HBO in our house so seeing those movies wasn't too hard because my parents couldn't sit down and watch everything with us. I think they were trusting the judgment of my older brothers, but they tended to gravitate towards the movies that my twin brother, Bill, and I shouldn't have been watching, so I'll just blame them (read with sarcasm guys...).
The Simpsons Movie is rated PG-13 and for good reason. While the series often features mature humor with their violence and sexual innuendo, it's still a little tame by movie standards. Free of the shackles of TV censors, The Simpsons Movie amps up the jokes to a more vulgar degree.
The movie centers around the pollution in the lake in Springfield and how Homer's love of a pig ultimately dooms the town. It seems hard to believe that the two are related, but they are.
One part of the movie really stood out for us...
Homer and Bart are fighting early in the movie. Homer then starts daring Bart to do things. Ultimately, he dares Bart to skateboard naked to the Krusty Burger and back or he'll call Bart cowardly for the rest of his life. Bart takes off naked. For a while, you only see his bottom. Then he switches to the front view and his lower is body blocked by a series of sight gags. Then, he moves behind a fence and you get a nice view of his... umm... noodle... before he trips and plasters his naked body in front of a glass window with only Ned Flander's french fry covering up that part.
Laura and I roared with laughter, but also cringed. At the same time, we both looked over at each other and winceed. Julia was roaring with laughter.
All in all the movie is really funny with only a few parts that made us wince: A character flips a crowd off, two guys kiss and a few references to sex. Otherwise, it's a real family pleaser!
The next day, we are at the YMCA to go swimming. Julia is getting dressed in the family locker room when she tells me, "Daddy, do you know what my favorite part of The Simpsons Movie was?"
I ask, "What?"
Now I'm not a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but I did gather some subtle hints that peaked my interest and gave me a good guess.
Earlier that day, I was getting dressed and three times during that process of getting dressed in my bedroom, Julia burst in. I finally had to yell at her to stop walking in as I was trying to get dressed.
So later that day at the YMCA when Julia said, "When you get to see Bart's WEINER!!", I really wasn't that surprised for some reason. I had a hunch you could say...
"You did, huh?" I asked sheepishly.
"YEAH! It was so FUNNY!!!" she laughed.
I laughed, but then reminded her that this probably isn't a very good topic to discuss at school because it was inappropriate. She agreed.
I think I remember bragging all the time in grade school that I got to see a lot of movies that I probably shouldn't have like Animal House and Caddyshack, but that was in the 70s when such actions were deemed cool. Nowadays, it could probably get you into some hot water with other nosy parents.
I would like to point out that we in no way let Julia watch stuff that's inappropriate for her. You would think that me with my liberal dose of unhealthy movies when I was younger wouldn't mind if Julia got exposed to movies for older viewers. Well, you would be wrong. While I cherish every memory of that time, it also made me a paranoid mess when I was growing up. You try to relax swimming in a lake during the summer when you think that there's a slight possibility that a shark like Jaws or piranhas like the movie Piranha are going to attack you. You try to sleep when you think that some demon in your house is going to possess you, like in the Amityville Horror. You try not to be afraid of spiders after watching Kingdom of the Spiders when you're a little kid. For good measure, show a little kid Earthquake and then ask him if he's afraid of the Earth moving beneath him.
This was a lesson, though. There are several sites out there, like Parent Preview, that screen movies and rate them based on family friendliness. They even list the objectionable parts. Next time, I'm going to check out that site before going to see a questionable movie.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Harry Potter and my criticisms...
I've been procrastinating in my writing for the past several weeks as I've been working on several book ideas, all of which will probably never see the light of day. Here's a small story about my liking of the Harry Potter books and my critiques of them.
...
I was going to write that I was sad to admit that I'm a Harry Potter book fan. Then I realized that this wasn't true. I am not sad at all to say that I like the Harry Potter books made famous by J.K. Rowling. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it sometimes, but not sad.
I was first introduced to the Harry Potter books before the first movie came out. I was all set to do my rankings for the movie pool that some guys I know and I do, in which we rank the box office success of movies in the summer and winter. The first movie was set to come out and I was going to rank it low. I made the comment to my twin brother, Bill, that I didn't think that it was going to do that well. He assured me that there were legions of Harry Potter fans out there dying to see the movies. I had never read the books before. I had seen them in stores and I'd sometimes seen stories in the newspaper about the books, but I had never thought to read them.
Bill suggested that I read them because they were good, in his opinion.
The fourth book in the series, "The Goblet of Fire", was already out in stores. I borrowed a friend's copy of the first book, "The Sorcerer's Stone" and set to work reading it. I started when I was going on a software installation trip, which was a 3-hour drive each way. This was the perfect time to start. I didn't think I would gain much interest in the book, or care what happens in the book, but before I knew it, I had zoomed through 200 of the pages over the trip. Finishing that book, I checked out the next two books and devoured those in a timely fashion. Then, I borrowed the fourth book from Bill and tore through that, too.
It was nice to have the gift of being able to read the books without having to wait, but then I was like other fans and having to wait for the next three books to come out.
I read the sixth book, "The Half-Blood Prince", when it came out about two years ago when I started my new job. I had heard that someone was going to die in the book, which was hinted at as a beloved character. So of course, I sped through the book to find out who it was. I finished in record time and then became disappointed that I was going to have to wait a long time for the last book.
The final book came out Saturday, July 21st. I was one of those geeks out there clamoring for the book. I bought it and immediately tried to get through it in record time again.
While I was waiting this year, I had thought it would be best that I should re-read all the books in order because I remember that when I was reading the last book, I had to clamor my memory in vain for details about who some of the characters were.
I knew I'd never had the time or patience to read all six books, so I did the next best thing, I listened to the audio books. This was not easy. The first book is a manageable 8 hours long. The second is about 9 hours long. The third books clocks in at a little under 12 hours long. Then the fourth book cranks it up a notch and comes galloping it at 20 hours long! Just when I thought that was intense, the fifth book lumbers in like an elephant at over 26 hours long!! The sixth book takes a step back at under 19 hours in length. All in all, I had over 90 hours of audio to listen to in a month's time.
I managed to do it, and I was glad that I did. Because I couldn't skim, I was forced to listen to every detail of the story so I was reminded of things I that I didn't quite remember, like who some of the minor characters were, some of the odd side story details and things like that. What was really eye opening was that I felt like I was reading the sixth book, "The Half-Blood Prince", for the very first time. I was riveted as each chapter ended because not only had I not remembered what each chapter was about, but I didn't know what was going to happen next. I vividly remembered the last part of the book, but that was it.
"Had I even read the book?" I asked myself in disbelief.
So I finally got through every book with 10 days to kill until the last book came out. I purchased my book at midnight with the other fanatics (reading the first chapter while I was in line to buy it) and spent the next two days reading the whole thing. I literally couldn't sleep while I was reading it because I was thinking about the plot when I laid down and then my head wouldn't quiet to let me sleep. I tried going to sleep at 1 am on Saturday night, but seeing as I couldn't sleep, I kept tossing and turning. I decided to get up and read. Before I knew it, it was 3 am. Normally 5 hours of sleep would make me a zombie for that day, but I was as wide awake as I could remember on Sunday when I got up at 8 am. I started reading again. Finally, I finished the book at 9 pm Sunday night without getting it spoiled for me.
All in all, it was a great end to a great series. While I realize that it's a series meant for kids, it's definitely written so that any age can enjoy it, kind of like reading the Davinci Code.
Now that I'm done, there are a few things that bother me about the Harry Potter universe. I realize it's a fantasy world, but the world depicted in the Harry Potter books has a few flaws.
For instance, the books are set in the early 1990s, but the wizards in the Potter world still live as if it's the middle ages. They use quills and ink wells. The students at Hogwarts turn in their papers handwritten with the quills on rolled up pieces of parchment. The library is as medieval as possible with every book published in hard cover. There seem to be no copying machines or computers to help the students along. I would think that with all the advances that wizards have in their world, they would have something better to come along to make their lives easier when it comes to writing. The only thing that is shown like this is a Quick Quotes Quill used by a reporter for the newspaper, but that's about it.
Oh sure, they'll use magic to clean up a mess or repair something that's broke, but they still feel the need to be like the book copiers of the past.
The pictures in the Potter world are like three-dimensional composites of people with the subjects looking around, smiling, waving, etc. Sometimes, the subjects leave the photos because they have something better to do. This is a great idea, so why doesn't it apply to other technology?
I mentioned computers above. Why don't they use a lexus nexus-like super computer that is inhabited by a fairy spirit that can dish out whatever information that they want? It could have the same 3D pictures.
I also noticed that in the Potter world, that no one ever watches television or even has a television. In one book, some of the characters are huddled around a radio and listening to a song. Why don't they watch television? For a group of people that seem to love visual things, as evidenced by their advanced photos that move, paintings that talk, books that have personalities, etc. they seem not to care about missing television. What with their favorite game, Quidditch, being a very intense, visual sport, it would seem that television would have been a natural. While we're just adopting HGTV, they should be on 3D television by now.
This brings me to another oddity of the wizarding world, the use of owls. The wizards of the Potter world send owls for their letters and packages. While effective, it's hardly efficient. Sometimes, the owls have no idea where a person is and it takes them days to find that person. You would think that an instant message would be a lot quicker than having to wait for a message from an owl. In book 5, the students start a secret group and use gold coins to communicate with each other, but no one has invented the piece of wizard equipment that'd let you communicate like a cellphone instead of the clumsy method of owls.
When it comes time for wizards to use the Muggle (non-wizard) post office system, the wizarding world is perplexed. Harry got a letter from his friends in one book and the whole envelope was encased with stamps because they didn't know how many to use. Seeing as how they had to buy them, I'm sure they could have asked, but that would have been too obvious I guess.
Speaking of clumsy methods, I'm not a big fan of the wizards using a fire to communicate. In the books, they'll throw magic powder on a fire and stick their head in the fire to communicate with another person at the other end of the fire. While certainly clever, it's hardly convenient as the person must crouch down in front of the fire to talk. There is the added problem with what if the person doesn't have a fire going on the other end, but that's never a problem in the Potter world.
Like with other Muggle inventions, the telephone is beyond the grasp of wizard intelligence. Past attempts with Harry's friend, Ron, to try and use the telephone resulted in Ron shouting over and over because he didn't realize that he could be heard clearly. I can see why they prefer the fire method. Who among us doesn't want to get on our hands and knees on a hard marble floor and then thrust our face in a fire. Granted, forgetting to throw the magic powder into the fire first wouldn't be wise, but it's the price you pay for that kind of convenience.
Memories are another thing that I really don't understand in the Harry Potter universe. Wizards are able to extract silver strands of their memories and put them in vials. Then they can dump them in a stone basin called a pensieve. Then anyone can be plunged into the memory to see events that happened many years ago.
The pensieve is indeed a good story telling device as J.K. Rowling can go into flashback mode to show events that happened years ago for background purposes. Unfortunately, there are some loopholes in this. There have been a few times when Harry and his friends have seen something that no one believes, like when Lord Voldermort comes back in book 4. A few believe Harry, but most of the wizardly world don't. Couldn't they have extracted his memory of the event to show the truth? In the same book, another witness is killed (sort of) prior to the government officials hearing his confession, so the story isn't believe. Again, a pensieve could have saved them the trouble of having to wait a year to finally believe that Lord Voldermort had returned.
While I realize that this type of criticizing is pointless and on the geeky side, it's one of those things that I think about. J.K Rowling is supposedly going to be working on an encyclopedia of her Harry Potter world. Maybe she can enlighten me to my questions...
...
I was going to write that I was sad to admit that I'm a Harry Potter book fan. Then I realized that this wasn't true. I am not sad at all to say that I like the Harry Potter books made famous by J.K. Rowling. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit it sometimes, but not sad.
I was first introduced to the Harry Potter books before the first movie came out. I was all set to do my rankings for the movie pool that some guys I know and I do, in which we rank the box office success of movies in the summer and winter. The first movie was set to come out and I was going to rank it low. I made the comment to my twin brother, Bill, that I didn't think that it was going to do that well. He assured me that there were legions of Harry Potter fans out there dying to see the movies. I had never read the books before. I had seen them in stores and I'd sometimes seen stories in the newspaper about the books, but I had never thought to read them.
Bill suggested that I read them because they were good, in his opinion.
The fourth book in the series, "The Goblet of Fire", was already out in stores. I borrowed a friend's copy of the first book, "The Sorcerer's Stone" and set to work reading it. I started when I was going on a software installation trip, which was a 3-hour drive each way. This was the perfect time to start. I didn't think I would gain much interest in the book, or care what happens in the book, but before I knew it, I had zoomed through 200 of the pages over the trip. Finishing that book, I checked out the next two books and devoured those in a timely fashion. Then, I borrowed the fourth book from Bill and tore through that, too.
It was nice to have the gift of being able to read the books without having to wait, but then I was like other fans and having to wait for the next three books to come out.
I read the sixth book, "The Half-Blood Prince", when it came out about two years ago when I started my new job. I had heard that someone was going to die in the book, which was hinted at as a beloved character. So of course, I sped through the book to find out who it was. I finished in record time and then became disappointed that I was going to have to wait a long time for the last book.
The final book came out Saturday, July 21st. I was one of those geeks out there clamoring for the book. I bought it and immediately tried to get through it in record time again.
While I was waiting this year, I had thought it would be best that I should re-read all the books in order because I remember that when I was reading the last book, I had to clamor my memory in vain for details about who some of the characters were.
I knew I'd never had the time or patience to read all six books, so I did the next best thing, I listened to the audio books. This was not easy. The first book is a manageable 8 hours long. The second is about 9 hours long. The third books clocks in at a little under 12 hours long. Then the fourth book cranks it up a notch and comes galloping it at 20 hours long! Just when I thought that was intense, the fifth book lumbers in like an elephant at over 26 hours long!! The sixth book takes a step back at under 19 hours in length. All in all, I had over 90 hours of audio to listen to in a month's time.
I managed to do it, and I was glad that I did. Because I couldn't skim, I was forced to listen to every detail of the story so I was reminded of things I that I didn't quite remember, like who some of the minor characters were, some of the odd side story details and things like that. What was really eye opening was that I felt like I was reading the sixth book, "The Half-Blood Prince", for the very first time. I was riveted as each chapter ended because not only had I not remembered what each chapter was about, but I didn't know what was going to happen next. I vividly remembered the last part of the book, but that was it.
"Had I even read the book?" I asked myself in disbelief.
So I finally got through every book with 10 days to kill until the last book came out. I purchased my book at midnight with the other fanatics (reading the first chapter while I was in line to buy it) and spent the next two days reading the whole thing. I literally couldn't sleep while I was reading it because I was thinking about the plot when I laid down and then my head wouldn't quiet to let me sleep. I tried going to sleep at 1 am on Saturday night, but seeing as I couldn't sleep, I kept tossing and turning. I decided to get up and read. Before I knew it, it was 3 am. Normally 5 hours of sleep would make me a zombie for that day, but I was as wide awake as I could remember on Sunday when I got up at 8 am. I started reading again. Finally, I finished the book at 9 pm Sunday night without getting it spoiled for me.
All in all, it was a great end to a great series. While I realize that it's a series meant for kids, it's definitely written so that any age can enjoy it, kind of like reading the Davinci Code.
Now that I'm done, there are a few things that bother me about the Harry Potter universe. I realize it's a fantasy world, but the world depicted in the Harry Potter books has a few flaws.
For instance, the books are set in the early 1990s, but the wizards in the Potter world still live as if it's the middle ages. They use quills and ink wells. The students at Hogwarts turn in their papers handwritten with the quills on rolled up pieces of parchment. The library is as medieval as possible with every book published in hard cover. There seem to be no copying machines or computers to help the students along. I would think that with all the advances that wizards have in their world, they would have something better to come along to make their lives easier when it comes to writing. The only thing that is shown like this is a Quick Quotes Quill used by a reporter for the newspaper, but that's about it.
Oh sure, they'll use magic to clean up a mess or repair something that's broke, but they still feel the need to be like the book copiers of the past.
The pictures in the Potter world are like three-dimensional composites of people with the subjects looking around, smiling, waving, etc. Sometimes, the subjects leave the photos because they have something better to do. This is a great idea, so why doesn't it apply to other technology?
I mentioned computers above. Why don't they use a lexus nexus-like super computer that is inhabited by a fairy spirit that can dish out whatever information that they want? It could have the same 3D pictures.
I also noticed that in the Potter world, that no one ever watches television or even has a television. In one book, some of the characters are huddled around a radio and listening to a song. Why don't they watch television? For a group of people that seem to love visual things, as evidenced by their advanced photos that move, paintings that talk, books that have personalities, etc. they seem not to care about missing television. What with their favorite game, Quidditch, being a very intense, visual sport, it would seem that television would have been a natural. While we're just adopting HGTV, they should be on 3D television by now.
This brings me to another oddity of the wizarding world, the use of owls. The wizards of the Potter world send owls for their letters and packages. While effective, it's hardly efficient. Sometimes, the owls have no idea where a person is and it takes them days to find that person. You would think that an instant message would be a lot quicker than having to wait for a message from an owl. In book 5, the students start a secret group and use gold coins to communicate with each other, but no one has invented the piece of wizard equipment that'd let you communicate like a cellphone instead of the clumsy method of owls.
When it comes time for wizards to use the Muggle (non-wizard) post office system, the wizarding world is perplexed. Harry got a letter from his friends in one book and the whole envelope was encased with stamps because they didn't know how many to use. Seeing as how they had to buy them, I'm sure they could have asked, but that would have been too obvious I guess.
Speaking of clumsy methods, I'm not a big fan of the wizards using a fire to communicate. In the books, they'll throw magic powder on a fire and stick their head in the fire to communicate with another person at the other end of the fire. While certainly clever, it's hardly convenient as the person must crouch down in front of the fire to talk. There is the added problem with what if the person doesn't have a fire going on the other end, but that's never a problem in the Potter world.
Like with other Muggle inventions, the telephone is beyond the grasp of wizard intelligence. Past attempts with Harry's friend, Ron, to try and use the telephone resulted in Ron shouting over and over because he didn't realize that he could be heard clearly. I can see why they prefer the fire method. Who among us doesn't want to get on our hands and knees on a hard marble floor and then thrust our face in a fire. Granted, forgetting to throw the magic powder into the fire first wouldn't be wise, but it's the price you pay for that kind of convenience.
Memories are another thing that I really don't understand in the Harry Potter universe. Wizards are able to extract silver strands of their memories and put them in vials. Then they can dump them in a stone basin called a pensieve. Then anyone can be plunged into the memory to see events that happened many years ago.
The pensieve is indeed a good story telling device as J.K. Rowling can go into flashback mode to show events that happened years ago for background purposes. Unfortunately, there are some loopholes in this. There have been a few times when Harry and his friends have seen something that no one believes, like when Lord Voldermort comes back in book 4. A few believe Harry, but most of the wizardly world don't. Couldn't they have extracted his memory of the event to show the truth? In the same book, another witness is killed (sort of) prior to the government officials hearing his confession, so the story isn't believe. Again, a pensieve could have saved them the trouble of having to wait a year to finally believe that Lord Voldermort had returned.
While I realize that this type of criticizing is pointless and on the geeky side, it's one of those things that I think about. J.K Rowling is supposedly going to be working on an encyclopedia of her Harry Potter world. Maybe she can enlighten me to my questions...
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