Beware of the Attack Cats...

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I have two cats, Moe and Murphy, a male and a female. Up until we moved to California, they were pretty normal cats. In fact, they were very friendly to anyone that came over to visit. They would jump up on a chair or a table to sniff the hand of the person that was visiting. People would comment about how cool my cats were. I couldn't agree more. They weren't like a lot of cats that I've know, mean.

Well all of that changed once we moved to California. We started to see subtle and not-so-subtle changes in the cats. I would walk out of our California apartment and Murphy would mew pitifully until I walked back inside. Moe, on the other hand, was worse. He started to become very clingy. Moe would often and by often I mean every freaking night, sit out in the hallway of our tiny apartment and just meow over and over until we either played with him or came to show him some attention. Sometimes, Laura would have to sleep on the couch with her arm on him to keep him quiet.

She remarked with much disdain, "Moe had to be near his Mommy!"

Laura called the local vet and asked her if there was anything that we could do. The vet listened to the situation and was clueless. She remarked that it sounded like Moe suffered from separation anxiety, which usually only occurs in dogs. The vet also suggested that we send Moe to a pet therapist at UC Davis for further study if we wanted some help with the situation. A cat with separation anxiety?

Laura wasn't that happy with the situation, but what could we do? Usually, playing with him and Murphy, but mainly Moe, would suffice. Laura would often ask while working her night shift if I played with the cats, which I usually didn't forget. The nights I did would be hell as Moe would revert to his meowing. In our tiny apartment, there was no place to put him when he's been bad. Now we just throw him out in our sunroom and let him out in the morning. Problem solved.

There is a problem we do have with the cats that we may never solve. They've gotten very vicious when it comes to strangers, friend and relatives. Usually, it's someone that they can tell is a dog lover.

We'll have parties and Moe will station himself on a chair or a table so that when people have to walk by him to go to the bathroom, he'll hiss and bare his fangs, which usually scares the shit out of the people walking by.

A few years ago, we went to visit some old friends in San Francisco and we asked our friend Jeff to come over every other day to give the cats food and water. He said no problem. I called him up and asked him if he'd been watching the cats.

He remarked, "Not so good. I had to have Angela (his wife at the time) come over and help me."

"What? You're kidding."

"No, I'm not kidding," Jeff said. "From the moment I walked in the door, they started to chase me around the apartment. The more I moved away from them, the more they chased me. I was really scared and freaked out so I ran out of the house and returned with Angela. I'm jumping everytime they hissed and me and she's like 'Come on! They're just cats you freak!'"

Since then, we've known that we've had a problem with the cats. We were a little aware of their disdain for strangers, which is why we had a screen door on Julia's room for the first three years of her life. It didn't take long for the cats to warm up to Julia. Now Moe follows her around like a puppy, but we were worried he would have a problem with the new member of the household and then we'd have to get rid of him.

Currently, we're having a problem with the cats because we're trying to sell our house.

When you have pets and you're trying to see your home, it's common practice that you put the pets in a cage or just out of the way. We do have that large pet carrier that will fit both of them comfortably, but it's a nightmare to use. I usually have to turn the carrier on it's end so the door is in the air, then I have to grab Moe, the least docile of the two cats, and put him in the carrier first. Then I grab Murphy, the cat that is very likely to scratch the living shit out of you by her flailing hind legs and shove her in the carrier. It works, but we think it's a little cruel to expect them to be there for a two-hour period while we're waiting for house lookers to come through, so we ended up putting them in the garage.

Laura put up a note explaining to the realtors and house lookers that the cats were in the garage on the front door. It worked well for a few days, but then Laura got an unexpected call after she had gone to work. A realtor had wanted to show the house to some clients, but the cats were not put away. Laura warned them that the cats were out, but the realtor decided to take her chances.

I come home and the following note is posted on the door:

"We came through your house and the cats were not in the garage as your note said. They followed us around the house until we were cornered in the basement. :-) After they showed us their fangs and charged at us, we decided not to risk it and we left through your garage. Great guard cats! :-) Sorry if we left any of your lights on."

I had to laugh when I read that note because I could just imagine them being all fierce and intimidating. Keep in mind, these cats have no front claws so the worst they could do is to bite you, which they sometimes do, but it's just a nip.

Julia will sometimes come downstairs after bedtime to express her disapproval with Moe. It usually goes like, "Daddy, Moe bit me (shows me an invisible mark on her arm which probably was the result of her being too rough with Moe). I want him out of my room!"

I follow her upstairs to her room. Moe is usually lying on the end of the bed.

"Moe is fine." I tell her. "He's calmed down and he's resting."

"No. I want him out!" Julia defiantly says while pointing towards her door. So I grab the protesting Moe and through his ass out, which makes Julia happy.

The next day after the fiasco with the realtor, we had another fiasco with our realtor open house. I had taken down the note that the cats were in the garage because of the note written on the other side, but I forgot to leave another note telling people not to let the cats in. Of course, one of the realtors opened the garage screen door and let the cats into the house. They were enraged that strangers were in the house and the realtors fled in horror, thereby canceling the open house.

Now, we have put a lock on the garage screen door so that people can look out and the cats can't be let out.

Still, I sometimes wish my cats were back to the way they used to be, when they actively liked any strangers. While any burglars that makes the mistake of breaking in my house will be surprised by attacking cats, it's far less annoying to have cats that don't attack.