If you use something you pay for, then that's being cheap dammit...

Sunday was Father's Day, which is a holiday that always gets the shaft.

Someone told me that they read that Father's Day has about 2 billion dollars less purchases than Mother's Day does, which I suppose makes sense. After all, Moms are more apt to get flowers on their holiday than Dads. It's kind of hard to find a manly bouquet that would say "I love you Dad, but not in that way." I suppose it could be a manly plant like a cactus with some tools stuff all around it, but I digress...

Back to yesterday...

Laura was home from work on a small vacation, so we decided that we were going to use our YMCA membership and go swimming. Rather, Julia and I would go swimming while Laura works out.

Last week, I had invited Bill and his daughter, Tess, to swim with Julia and I. Tess seemed to really have fun so I thought I'd invite him again.

Bill said that he's think about it, but that he'd rather go to Star City Shores, the big public water park because Tess had fun when she went the day before with Bill's wife, Audrey. (I needed to mention why he wanted to go to Star City Shores since Bill often accuses me of writing one sided pieces about him)

Near the end of the conversation, Bill asks me why I want to go to the YMCA pool.

"Because we pay for it and we don't have to pay anything extra to go swimming."

Bill replies, "And because you're cheap."

"No, because I pay for the membership anyway, so I feel I need to use it."

Bill said that he'd think about it, but him calling me cheap really got me steamed. Yes, it's true that I am little thrifty with my money, but I think he's really exaggerating the point. It's not like I'm buying generic pop or non-Heinz ketchup. I don't. I have digital cable with DVR capability and I gladly pay for it. It's not like I'm like Laura's grandparents who never had pop in their house, who never stop to eat lunch when they go on a trip (they pack sandwiches). However, if they do stop for lunch, they split the meal. This is from when they grew up in the Great Depression, so of course they have the habit to be thrifty.

I suppose you could argue that I am cheap when it comes to spontaneously doing something. That's probably because I have a certain amount of money allocated for a certain pay period that I keep track of in my head and if I've already gone over that or am near it, I may not want to shell out more money. Is that so wrong?

Well, if you want me to be fair, I HAVE been known to be very late on paying people back, but then demanding immediate payment when people have to pay me back.

And I SUPPOSE you could say that when I have to pay people back that I have been known to pay them in payments of lunches here and there to repay my debt.

I mean, who among us hasn't been cheap every now and then?

And if digging through a garbage dumpster for a federal tax return check that my wife threw away because she thought it was junkmail makes me cheap, then I guess I am cheap (I didn't even find that stupid check anyway. Thanks, Laura).

So Bill calls me back a little while later to tell me that he's still thinking about it.

"So you called me to tell me that you're still thinking about it?"

"Yeah, because I'd rather go to Star City Shores."

"That's fine," I say, "but we've already planned on going to the Y."

"Look, if it's because you're a cheap ass, I could pay for you to get into Star City Shores."

I begin to get a little irritated at this point. Bill wanted me to point that out since he's usually the one mad in my stories.

He tells me how much it costs to get in for an adult and a child, but I can't let the cheap comment go.

"Bill, let me ask you. You have HBO right? (which I already know that he does.)."

"Right."

"What's on this month?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what movies are on this month?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, then what's the last movie you remember watching on HBO."

"Umm, I don't know. 'Surviving Christmas'. Why?"

"Well, why didn't you rent it you cheap ass?"

"That is totally not even the same thing?"

"That is so the same thing!" I exclaim.

"How so?"

"Well, you pay for HBO, but if you rented it on DVD you'd see it in wide screen anytime you want, but on HBO you have to wait for it and it's full screen. My point is that you're being cheap because you watched something that you pay for."

"Wow, you are really taking this personally," Bill says.

"Of course I am. Using a membership that you pay for is not being cheap. We pay for a family membership and we're going to use it."

"Fine."

I get off the phone. Laura looks up from the Sunday paper and says, "Your mothers right. Why do you guys have to argue about everything?"

I'm not exactly sure why we always have to argue about everything, but we just do. It's always been in our nature to argue with each other.

I wasn't quite sure how to end this story, but then Bill called yesterday. Laura, Julia and I were coming back from our dinner at Chili's to celebrate Laura and I's eighth wedding anniversary. My meal was pretty good (shrimp, chicken and steak skewers), but Laura was less than enthusiastic about her chicken quesadillas.

So Bill calls and I answer it. We start to reminisce about the Family Guy like we always do when he asks what I was doing.

"We're on our way back from Chili's."

"Oh, any good?"

"Well," I say matter-of-factly, "I had the corn dog kids meal. It was okay."

"Really?" he says a little disbelieving.

"Yeah. Then Laura and I shared a drink."

"Are you... are you serious?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yeah, I'm serious."

"OH! Because you're cheap!" he exclaims while laughing.

"Ri-ight!"