Bill freaks out over me telling him about Survivor...

I've been really, really busy lately. I have a stockpile of stuff I need to write about, like when Bill gets into an accident with a table saw. That doesn't sound so funny, but trust me, it is. For now, here's a story about me and Bill yelling at each other...

We're watching Survivor the other night upstairs while I'm cooking dinner and one of those cute kid story moments happen. Julia really hadn't seen it before. The part of the show we were watching was the immunity challenge where the show's "tribe members" have to navigate through a series of puzzles or challenges. This one centered around a person answering a series of questions to get a number. If they untied the box with that number on it and and unwrapped the item in the box, there might be a key. If they get the key, they go to another set of things to untie to get to an obstacle course, through the course, over a series of floating things and then pulling a flag to win.

Jeff Probst, the show's host, mentions that "Alex has a lead!"

Julia yells out, "Alex is going to win!"

Alex does indeed win and Julia yells out, "Alex won! I told you he'd win!"

My wife and I both laugh because we know she's never watched the show before and at that point, it was obvious that Alex was going to win, but we let her enjoy her moment.

"Yes, very smart, Julia." I said.

It was very soon after this that my twin brother, Bill, called. I thought the story was kind of cute so I wanted to tell him. Granted, it's not one of those "Ha Ha" stories, but it's a story parents like because we think our kids are so darn clever and cute.

I tell Bill, "Hey, we were just watching Survivor. Julia was watching it during the immunity challenge and...

"Don't tell me anything! I haven't seen it!" Bill yells at me. You have to remember that Bill can be a bit of a hot head and we often yell at each other like this.

"Bill, it's not going to reveal anything." I say

"Yes, it will. You'll try to make it generic, but you'll reveal something."

"Bill, I won't. It's just a cute story."

"Don't say anything."

"But I just wanted to tell you..."

"Don't say anything!"

"about this part..."

"I said not to say anything!"

"... but it's not going to reveal..."

"I don't want to hear it!"

"Look, it's not going to spoil anything!" At this point, I'm moving downstairs to yell at him.

"Yes. It. Will!"

"It was during the immunity challenge. Someone had a big lead..."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"

"... when JEFF PROBST SAYS..."

"...AAGGHHH! I'M NOT LISTENing!!!!" Bill trails off at this point because it sounds like Bill, a grown man, has resorted to throwing the phone down. I can still hear yelling in the distance.

I get really pissed. All I'm trying to do is to tell him some innocent kid's story and he's acting this way.

He gets back on the phone and I yell, "LOOK! YOU BIG F*&*ING BABY! ALL I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU IS THAT WHEN JEFF PROBST YELLED, "SO-AND-SO IS IN A LEAD!" JULIA YELLED "SO-AND-SO'S GOING TO WIN!" WHEN SO-AND-SO DID WIN SHE SAID, "SO-AND-SO WON! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE GOING TO WIN! It's just some cute kid story and you are ruining it!!!"

"See! That's hardly giving anything away," I finish.

"We'll see.." Bill mutters.

"Oh you're such a baby when it comes to that."

"Because you always give something away. No matter how hard you try, you still do."

So the next morning I talked to Bill. I jokingly ask him, "So were you still able to enjoy Survivor after I gave something away?"

"Yes, but you totally gave it away!"

"What?" I ask.

"Yeah," Bill replied. "When Jeff said that Alex was in the lead, I thought, 'Well, I don't need to watch the rest of this now and I fast forwarded through it.'"

"You're kidding right? Seriously? You're upset because of that? It was blatantly obvious who was going to win that challenge."

"You never know," Bill said.

"You never know? By the time he said that, he had such a huge lead, it was obvious he was going to win."

"Sometimes, it's not like that. Someone comes from behind."

I sigh.

"You just can't help yourself."

"And you just can't stand to have anything revealed, no matter how small. You don't even like me telling you the show's description on the cable guide," I retort.

"Whatever. You told me about an episode of Amazing Race last year and I quote,'You'll be very happy at the result.' Yeah, like that didn't give much away."

"That was Joe (our older brother)! That wasn't me!"

"Well, you still ruin things..."

"Of course I do. You know who shot Mr. Burns? Maggie Simpson. And that chick in The Crying Game? Totally a guy!"

Bill kind of laughs

"Bill, I hate to ruin it for you, but in Titanic, the ship sinks at the end. Sorry..."