I was handed my glasses and sat with my brother, Bill. We were just in 5th grade and were tagging along with my older brothers to this R-rated movie. The screen went dark and the first sequence where the credits came out of the screen in a 3-D shadow effect blew me away. The letters seemed to be coming out of the screen and I could almost touch them.
Throughout the movie, various objects came out of the screen: popcorn, a tv antenna, a pole, a spear, a knife, an exploding eyeball and various other objects. Besides the gratuitous violence, I was hooked on the 3-D effect. We went to see part 4 of the movie series with some friends when we were in junior high, but it didn't really have that same excitement as the 3-D did.
From that point on, Bill and I made a point to see pretty much every 3-D movie that came out. Some were memorable. Some were so unforgettable that I can barely even muster a few seconds of recollection.
Treasure of the Four Crowns - I would describe this plot, but I can barely remember the film. The only thing that I remember was the constant barrage of 3-D effects that came at the screen. There were so many of them that you could barely keep up with the plot, which had something to do with a missing treasure. Basically, it was a bad Indiana Jones rip-off. Plus, I remember that the 3-D effects were subpar. There was a sequence where all these birds flew at the screen and the effect split as it was coming off the screen, which ruined the 3-D.
Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone - I would describe this plot also, but I can barely remember seeing this. All I remember was that nothing flew out at the screen, it had Molly Ringwald in it and it was boring as hell.
Jaws 3-D - The movie that broke the back of 3-D movies for those of us in small town Grand Island. After this one, we didn't get a sniff of a 3-D movie for years. Bill and I had seen Jaw and Jaw 2 and liked them, but what really drove me to see Jaw 3-D was that it was in 3-D, of course. Were we ever disappointed. Again, there seemed to be a lack of things coming out at the screen, which seems to be the whole point of a 3-D movie. When it finally did, when the shark seems to come out of the screen, it was so brief and fake looking that I almost laughed. I was really disappointed. Besides the fact, the story was horrible and made no sense. So these are the kids of Brody from the first film, one of whom was just a kid and now he's in his 20's less than 10 years later? Oh and a giant shark can practically hide in a Sea World-like place without anyone catching on? Right...
Honey I Shrunk the Audience - It wasn't until December of 1994 that I finally got to see another 3-D movie. This time, it was at Disney World's Epcot Center. This movie still plays today and it still looks good, if not dated since the film is over 15 years old now. The short film centers around Rick Moranis's character, Dr. Wayne Szalinski, from the film Honey, I Shrunk the Kids getting an award for scientist of the year. It's hosted by Eric Idle of Monty Python fame. When the award show starts, Wayne isn't to be found, but then he shows up in a hover craft. He soon loses control of the craft. Through a series of thing that go wrong, the audience gets shrunk. Then while tiny, a dog sneezes on you, a snake hisses at you and the ground shakes. It's a great film, but I wonder how much longer it's going to last. I've seen it about 5 times now over the years.
Muppets 3-D - This was another 3-D movie that we saw at Disney World. It's very dated, but it's still pretty good. The 3-D isn't nearly as good as current movie technology, but it's still cool. Laura and I saw this on our honeymoon and again when we went again when Julia turned 6.
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over - This is the third movie of the Spy Kids franchise. I hadn't seen the first two films, but considering that I love 3-D movies, I had to see it. It really wasn't that good, though. The plot made no sense and you had to watch the whole thing with the red and blue glasses, which gave the film a redish-blue tint through the whole thing. I was baffled that they would use the old red/blue glasses, but I was even more baffled by the plot, which didn't make any sense. It was painfully bad.
The Polar Express 3-D - I saw this one at the Imax theater at the zoo in Omaha. I wouldn't have gone to see it because it didn't interest me, but since it was in 3-D, I suggested that Julia and I see it. Julia enjoyed it and I thought the 3-D effects really enhanced the movie. For example, in the beginning when it was snowing, you could see the clear separation of the snow flakes. As for the story, I was not blown away at all. The movie involves a kid that doesn't really believe in Santa until he's whisked away on a train called the Polar Express that takes certain kids to the north pole to see Santa off before he starts his Christmas Eve run. It was okay. There was some typical Hollywood detours where the kids get lost at the North Pole and have to circumvent a bunch of stuff that would kill somebody if they were to fall, but it seemed tacked on to make the movie longer. Also, the kid that doesn't believe gets the right to get the first gift from Santa over the poor kid that has never had a Christmas present. I was like, "WTF? Why does the spoiled non-believer get the gift?" Also, Tom Hanks does three of the voices: the train conductor (which he's good at), the train's hobo ghost (which he good at, but it's like 'Oh, now Tom Hanks is the hobo) and Santa Clause (which he's okay at because it's like "Okay... now Tom Hanks is trying to talk like an old Santa). I'm not sure why they thought that Tom Hanks had that much range, but it was distracting for me.
Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D - I saw this one by myself when both Julia and Laura were out of town. I've had some neck and back problems over the years, so I have muscle relaxers for those times when I feel my neck start to tighten up from hours of staring at a computer. I wanted to relax for the movie so I took one muscle relaxer. When the movie started, I didn't really feel it kick in, so I took another one. So I remember a lot about the first part of the movie, but the second part was a blur. I remember it ending, but I couldn't tell you what happened from the middle to the end. I drove home in a daze threw off my clothes and fell asleep. 10 hours later, I woke up with all the lights on upstairs and the bedroom tv blaring. Here's a tip: Don't take more than a recommended dose of a muscle relaxer until you are sure how you'll react to them. You just might miss something. So I bought this movie when it came out on 3-D and it is pretty good. Granted, the home edition is with the red/blue glasses, but that's the only way they can release 3-D movies now.
Bolt 3-D - Julia and I saw this. It's a pretty good movie. I thought it would be a lot funnier and the plot bothered me. The premise is that this dog thinks that the show he's on is real life because they do everything in one take, but then I started thinking that this would be absolutely impossible considering the show that they are trying to shoot is a massive spy adventure type show with tons of chases. Then again, I didn't have a problem that the animals can talk to each other and think like humans, so I guess I need to take it with a grain of salt. The 3-D effects were awesome, though.
So this brings me to My Bloody Valentine 3-D, which is a sort-of remake of the original, which wasn't in 3-D and made in Canada. It was one of those slasher movies jumping on the bandwagon after Halloween and Friday the 13th hit it big. The original movie was pretty decent for that type. I remember it shocking me when I was a wee lad of 11 and it was on HBO. The new movie's premise is a little similar in that a guy dressed as a miner with a gas mask is killing people, but that's about it. I'd go into the plot, but it's filled with cliche'd characters: the bitter ex-girlfriend, the rich kid that hasn't been seen for 10 years since the first murders, the young sheriff in over his head, the shady deputy, the grizzled old sheriff, the new sheriff's pregnant lover, and a whole cast of fairly pretty people. I'm serious. For a mining town, the people there look like they've been primped and preened like they were getting ready for their publicity stills. Every scene includes extras that look like they were pulled out of a casting call for the other characters. So the plot, which I said I wouldn't explain, starts 10 years after the insane miner escapes from police custody after coming out of a coma and kills a bunch of people. Now people are dying again. Most of them seem tied to the old cases. Because it's 3-D, there are a lot of things being thrown onscreen at you: guns, eyeballs, other body parts and lots and lots of pickaxes. And because it's a slasher movie, there are a lot of red herrings and people too dumb to call the police instead of running and trying to escape out windows. One scene in particular has two people trying to barricade themselves in an office, but fail to call for help on the office phone and then they finally trigger the security alarm. I commented to Laura, "Oh, now you pull the alarm?" All in all, it was a decent 3-D movie. It was on the new all-digit theater complex here which I read has a special silver screen for 3-D and movie is shown at 100 frames a second to achieve the crystal clear 3-D effect.
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