Watched the Ruins....

Maybe I'm just jaded. Maybe I'm just so desensitized with horror films that I just can't get scared anymore. There are exceptions to that rule, of course. I remember seeing the Ring and getting freaked out. The first Grudge picture had some moments. I do remember getting so freaked out by the movie Witchboard when I was in college that I had to turn on every light in the house until someone finally came home. The Exorcist really freaked me out because it gave me the impression that I could fall asleep one night and wake up possessed. The Amityville Horror kind of freaked me out because I kept expecting to see lights go on by themselves and voices yelling at me to get out. The getting-shot-in-your-sleep way of dying shown in the movie freaked me out. I think I have a phobia about things happening to you while you sleep.

I'm not really sure what The Ruins had in mind in terms of scares, though. The film starts with some pretty people (Note to Hollywood. Enough with the pretty people in these films! I find myself hoping they die after enduring their spoiled-kid acting. Also, let's not make them so spoiled.) There are two women, the pretty blond and the kind of complaining, slightly nerdy brunette. The two guys can be narrowed down to the guy who wants to be a doctor and the guy with the beard. They meet a German guy, who suggests they all go on this hike to meet up with his brother, who was checking out some Mayan ruins. He hadn't heard from him in a few days. Spoilers are ahead, but you probably won't care.

So of course, they go to the Ruins. This is part of the problem. It's supposed to look like it's in the middle of a remote part of the jungle, but instead, it looks like it's right behind a well-traveled road. They get to the ruins, which looks like a small pyramid covered with vegetation. The brunette starts snapping pictures while everyone starts arguing with a local that's yelling at them. Anybody with a brain would be able to tell that he's trying to get them away from the ruins, but they get closer until the brunette steps on some vines. Then guns are drawn, their guide is shot and they are forced up the ruins.

Up top, they find the camping gear of the German guy's brother and his friends, but no one is there. They hear what sounds like a cell phone that sounds like the German guy's brother's cell phone. They hoist the German guy down a rope, but it snaps half-way down. The blond is sent down to get him since the rope crank takes two strong guys to turn. She has to jump the last 8 feet, but ends up hurting her knee. They get the German guy up on a makeshift gurney with the help of the brunette. The two women look for the cell phone sound. To their surprise, it's not a cell phone at all! It's the flowers mimicking the cell phone! The vines start to lash at them. They run out and get hoisted up to the top while killer vines try to grab them.

Long story short, they all die one by one as the killer vines prey on open wounds and panicky actions. The blond gets vines in her body from her leg wound, which drives her crazy to the point where she's cutting herself to get them out. The German guy gets his legs cut off by the would-be doctor in the only shocking scene in order to save his life since the legs were infected. All for naught though as the vines drag him away soon after, the guy with the beard pipes up, "Good thing we cut off his legs."

That's just what I was thinking.

All the while, they are held at bay by the locals that won't let them leave because they are keeping them quarantined since they've touched the vines. But as I was watching this go on, I kept thinking, "Well, I only see them guarding the one side. Why don't they try to leave on another side?"

I had to stop watching when Julia walked in after playing outside (didn't want to freak her out). Even though the movie up to this point was lame, I had to see how it ended. I saw the ending and thought, "Well, that was stupid."

This brings me to some quick rules of thumb for college kids/young couples in movies.

1. If you are in a foreign country or strange city, odds are pretty good that you will die.
2. If someone offers to take you or suggests you visit some exotic locale that's off the beaten path, turn it down because you will die.
3. If you're at this locale and people start disappearing, don't wait. Freaking run!

There is a new movie out this past weekend called "A Perfect Getaway" about a young couple that's on their honeymoon. They, of course, are hiking in a remote part of Hawaii. The movie description says this: "But when the pair comes across a group of frightened hikers discussing the horrifying murder of another newlywed couple on the islands, they begin to question whether they should turn back."

You think? They need to study my rules above.