The strangest of all holidays...

Imagine you don't live in this country. You've heard of some strange holidays where you live, but you never much gave it any thought. Usually, they're rooted around parades, heavy drinking, gift giving, giving thanks, bunnies or atonement (if you celebrate Yom Kimpor).

Now imagine that you're sitting at home one night in the fall and the doorbell rings. Kids dressed in crazy costumes come in droves demanding candy. Or if they just stop at "Trick or treat!", you're going to stand there dumbfounded until the kids walk away disappointed, or you figure out the gist of the holiday and scrounge up some treats.

A co-worker of mine, who is from Indonesia, actually asked me about Halloween right as I was thinking about writing this piece.

He asked, "Bob. About Halloween. I think I know the 'treat' part, but what is the 'trick' part about? When the kids come by, are they going to be performing things for us?"

I explained to him that I can understand his confusion and I attempted to explain the holiday to him, but even I'm a little confused about it. I don't know how Halloween evolved from a possible Pagan holiday (I think I heard that) to the holiday that it is now.

I told my friend, "No, they're not going to be doing tricks. Even though, they're saying 'Trick or Treat', they might as well be saying 'Give me some candy!'"

I'm not going to dig up the history of Halloween, but it is the strangest of holidays. Think about it. For 364 days of the year, we tell our kids several things.

• Don't talk to strangers.
• Don't knock on strangers' doors.
• Don't take candy from strangers.
• Don't eat candy in excess.
• Be home before dark.
  

However, on one day, we throw all of those rules out the table and let our kids dress up in costumes, venture into neighborhoods they've never been to, knock on total strangers doors, take candy from those strangers and let them keep it until it's gone. Plus, we let them venture after dark into strange people's homes. Can someone explain the logic to me?

How is one supposed to spot the creepy child molester from the neighbor that has decided to dress up as some serial killer from history? Or is that a deterant for child molesters? If everyone is giving treats on Halloween, what are they going to do? Kind of hard to ask for the kids to come in and wait for candy when everyone else on the block is giving it away for free with no waiting. Maybe that's the beauty of Halloween. It's the one day when your kids are safe from strangers with criminal records... but not always. I don't want to be accused of making light of the situation.

But I digress...

Halloween was always an enjoyable holiday for me. I looked forward to it mainly from the standpoint that it was free candy that you could stockpile. My brother Bill and I used to go out until we filled up our bags, came back home to unload a huge pile in our rooms and then leave again for more candy until our feet got tired. Our parents grumbled a bit at all of our candy hording, but they didn't do much to stop it. It's no wonder that we didn't grow up obese. Oh wait, we did grow up a little chubby, but that's neither here nor there.

Our neighborhood was pretty good with the candy giving. For the most part, you got the mainstream candy assortment, but occassionally, you got the worst ones:

• Popcorn balls - I know people labor over these, but I really don't enjoy them and I don't think many kids do either. Rice Krispy treats are much better to receive.
• Rolled up Pennies - Just because you need to clear out your piggy bank doesn't mean you should give them out to kids.
  
• Apples - We're just going to throw them away or throw them at your house.
• Peanut Butter taffy - Possibly the nastiest tasting candy there is. It's like peanut butter, but more prolonged and less satisfying.
  

If anything was disappointing on Halloween, it was my lack of a good costume. I can remember seeing kids dressing up in full costume as their favorite characters from Star Wars, while I was stuck with the same rubber mask two years in a row. There were just two things that my family lacked: funds and imagination. Being a family of 7, it was generally deemed that spending a lot of money on Halloween was a really bad idea. As a result, my costumes tended to be, how should I put this? Lame...

Now before you call me up and complain, Mom. Let me explain myself. I think it I had a better design imagination, I could have concocted some good costumes. Unfortunately, I don't. I can write a decent story, but I couldn't design a decent costume to save my life.

One year, when we were trick or treating, we saw one of my older brother's friends with the coolest costume. He was dressed a giant TV that he had made out of a big cardboard box. His head was through the top and his arms came out the sides. On the front were the knobs and picture drawn with a magic marker. I was so impressed that I announced that next year, I wanted to be a TV. That next year rolled around and we didn't have a large cardboard box so we made a TV out of a smaller box that went on my head. The screen was plastic wrap and we had aluminum foil attenaes out of the top. It was uncomfortable and there was nothing holding it to the top of my head, so it flopped all over the place when I walked.

Another year, I saw a makeup kit with cool designs, so that's what I got for a costume. I drew up what I thought was a scary design of a creature with horns and fangs. It was only after I actually put the makeup on that I realized that I looked more like a really campy member of kiss with purple and green makeup all over my face. No matter, I went trick-or-treating anyway. On the bright side, my makeup did get noticed because people couldn't figure out what I was trying to be. I got a lot of "Who are you supposed to be?" Even I didn't know. I would just reply, "I'm a monster!"

I've been a little all over the place on this one, but let me end by telling a story of the time I was the most scared trick or treating. I usually didn't get scared at Halloween, but this one caught me off guard.

I don't remember how old I was, but it was a year that my brother Bill was sick, so my older brother Joe escorted me around trick or treating.

We came to this normal looking house and out came a really grumpy old man.

He stared at me and asked sternly, "Well... What do you want!?"

I was petrified. I didn't know how to react. I was scared this guy was going to scream at me for wasting his time.

I kind of stuttered, "Uhh.... Uhhh...."

Behind me, Joe is yelling "Bob! Say 'Trick or Treat'!"

"Uhhh..."

"Say 'Trick or Treat'!"

"Uhhh...."

"Bob!"

I'm trying not to look at the guy and I say it almost like a question, "Trick or treat?"

He smiles and asks, "Well why didn't you say so!"

He reaches for a bowl and hands me... a popcorn ball.

I search for a check that has already been found...

Just another example of the mundanity (is that even a word?) that is my life. The most exciting thing that happened to me yesterday didn't even have to happen.

I'm at work and at about 9 am I get this call.

"This is Bob."

"Hi, what did you do with the check?" asked my wife.

"What check?"

"The cashiers check that we made out to (our builder). (We're building a house out in Millard, just FYI.) What did you do with it?"

"I don't know where it is."

"You don't KNOW." Laura emphasized to me.

"Right. I didn't do anything with the check. How is this my problem?"

"Because I can't find the check and I need to take it to the bank and get reimbursed for it."

I sigh and ask, "Wasn't it on the kitchen ledge (the one around our apartment kitchen)? I know I just saw it."

Laura says, "Well it isn't there now! I'm afraid it might have fallen in the trash."

"How did it fall into the trash?"

"Because it was on the ledge above the trash."

(sigh)

"All right. I'll try to find it tonight."

"Well, look through the trash first before you take it out."

I'm working for a while and a short time later it's bugging me about the check. I know I just saw it. I started to get nervous about my wife throwing out the check accidentally, which has happened before, and I feel that I need to go home and find it. You see, this wouldn't be the first time that a check has been misplaced and by misplaced, I mean thrown away by my wife.

When we lived in California, I came home one day and opened the mail. One of the letters was our federal income tax refund check from the IRS. I place all of the mail on the counter for my wife to see and I go to bed (it was late when I got home). I even told her that we got our refund check in the mail. After a few days, we are talking about depositing the check so I look for it. I can't find it.

"Where did you put that check from the IRS?" I asked. "It was on the counter with the other mail."

"It was? I thought it was junk mail and threw it out!"

I couldn't believe it. Long story short, I ended up digging through our apartment complex's garbage bin for our garbage sack from a few days ago, but I can't find it. We got it about 5 months later after a long process of getting a new check issued.

This was more serious. I didn't know if the bank could just stop payment on the check and give us the money back.

I decided to go home at noon and look for it.

I get home and pull the top off the trash. It's filled to the top! I start to paw through it, but then decide to check a few other places first. I check the ground around it. Nothing. I check the floor around the kitchen table. Nothing. I pull the drawer we keep bills in open. There it is.

Eureka!

I called my wife and assumed she'd be overjoyed that I found it.

"Hey, I found the check that you were looking for."

"Oh, so did I," she said a little nonchalantly.

"What? When?"

"Oh a few minutes after I talked to you."

I get a little irritated.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me that you found it?"

"I didn't want to bother you!"

"You didn't want to bother me!? I stressed about this all morning, which is why I came home to find it."

She didn't want to bother me? Bothering me would be calling me up and asking me to find a check, finding it yourself and then not telling me that you found it. That would be bother me. Not bothering me and actually doing me a favor would be to ease my fears and telling me that you found the check.

No morale here. It's just business as usual...

Saw the Wallace and Grommit picture today... part of it...

I went to the movies with Julia today since my wife has to work on Sundays. We would have gone yesterday to the movie, but we spent part of the time buying a used car.

I purchased a 2003 Hyundai Santa Fe. I test drove it for a few days and really liked it. It gets decent gas mileage for an SUV. It rides really smooth, too.

Today I was feeling really horrible about the purchase. I haven't purchased a car with payments in over a decade as one I bought with insurance settlement money, one was a cheap repo and the other was given to us. I felt really good about this purchase for most of the day, but maybe it was the alcohol I ingested while watching the Baylor/NU game, but started feeling really horrible about it. I kept wondering if it was the right decision and if I really needed that new of a vehicle and if we could afford it (we can). Basically, I had a huge amount of buyers guilt. I shouldn't. We needed the new vehicle because our last car was falling apart. As a bonus, there's a warranty on the car AND our insurance went down. I'm feeling better about it now, though.

So seeing as how I was bummed out, I decided to take Julia to the new Wallace and Grommit picture, "Wallace and Grommit and the Curse of the Were Rabbit"

Julia loves the Wallace and Grommit DVD that I bought for her before she was born (the first one I bought knowing that I was going to be a father), so she was pretty excited to see the movie.

We rush to get to the theater, but I had to stop as an ATM to get some money. We half-run to the entrance and buy tickets. We buy a pop and a popcorn and run to the theater, expecting to barely make the movie on time.

I have no idea why I was worried about being late.

We must have sat through seven movie trailers before the main movie started. There were trailers for Dozen 2, Chicken Little, some new CGI movie about animals feeding off food in the suburbs, Curious George and a movie called Dreamer. Dreamer is a Dakota Fanning movie about a girl who basically begs her father, a horse trainer played by Kurt Russel, to keep a horse that got injured alive. The horse gets better and they consider running it. It's all sentimental and crap... Basically, tears started streaming down my face a little during one part of the trailer when Dakota and Kurt talk about a story she wrote about a king that lives in a big palace with a horse. She says the story is dumb. He says that he loves the story about the king. She whispers, "I love the king, too."

So I'm a real sentimental guy. I was feeling homesick today and thought of Julia telling me that when I saw that scene. So sue me. Hey, I've only seen ET twice and I cried when ET leaves each time.

So the movie starts and it's a Madagascar spin-off with the penguins from that movie doing a Christmas short.

Immediately, Julia is impatient.

"I want to see Wallace and Grommit!"

I shush her and try to explain that it'll start after this one.

"But I want to see Wallace and Grommit!"

Finally, the movie starts not a moment too soon. I was afraid we were going to have a repeat of the March of the Penguins movie. Julia was entranced at first, but then bored silly after 20 minutes. We didn't see the end of it. It's a great movie, but whoever called it the perfect family movie is high.

The new Wallace and Grommit movie centers around our heroes Wallace, the inventor, and Grommit, his dog, in their efforts to rid the neighborhood of the rabbit problem before the annual vegetable festival. They now run a service called AnitPesto. They capture rabbits from people's gardens and house them in their basement.

While experimenting with a new brain modification device, Wallace and a bunny are hooked up during a full moon. He thinks thoughts like, "Veggie bad. Carrots bad."

Something goes wrong and suddenly a huge rabbit is on the loose eating up everyone's gardens and causing rampant destruction.

The movie is pretty charming and it's kind of odd seeing a non-cgi 3D film in wide screen. I started noticing when finger prints would be on the characters as they were doing their actions and when they would disappear.

But then, we had to leave.

About an hour into the film, we see the Were Rabbit transform and Julia was not amused.

She turned to me, "Daddy, I want to go... NOW!"

"What's the matter?"

"This movie is scary!"

"No, it's not. It's okay sweetie."

"I want to go now!"

"Umm.... Okay."

And we left. I guess I'll have to wait for DVD to see how this ends. I could have forced her to stay, but I didn't want to press my luck.

How can I nozt truist thisv email?

I just received this email with the subject line of: "sought Bob resin"

I open up the email. This is the text body.

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Lincoln mohrtgag e request.

We have prepareid 3.4 % ra te for you at thisv time.
Please start here and verifzy your informatiuon so we can
proceedv as planned.
http://www.nxhha.com/vbwn.asp?ev=171652628

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Prince
NE CustomerDepajrtment"

I'm sure some of this scam must work, but I'm wondering with who. Is there someone out there so inane and trustworthy that they feel compelled to respond to every email?

As for me, I did indeed just close on a mortgage, but it was with a reputable mortgage company. I don't think I had a twinge of doubt where I thought, "You know, I already closed on my mortgage, but I'm wondering if I can get this 3.4 % ra te that "Prince" has prepareid for me at thisv time."

Blogging is not for everyone...

I've been told that my blog stories are everything from funny, stupid, inane, boring, meandering, mindless, inciteful, mean-spirited, etc. You name it.

My Mom always asks after I write a Bill story, "Do you guys actually like each other?"

My cousin Mike, who writes at http://michaelhoman.blogspot.com, described my blog as "A blog for those that kind of know Bob well."

I'll admit that my blog isn't for everyone, which is why I'm thinking of starting a blog with my brother, Bill. He and I have long talked about using our blog to write about pop culture.

He actually wrote a story for this site, but I didn't publish it because I felt that my name is a little constricting in that my blog notes that it's a site about me and not anyone else. I'll admit, I didn't think that whole part through.

Besides, Bill's story needed a little work. It's understandable considering he doesn't really write that much for fun. And as a story about our Mom afraid to throw away a street sign we stole when we were in high school, the fact that it went all over the place, including a story about knowing some chick that was in Playboy, didn't help.

We have a name picked out, but it denotes that there is more than one person writing the blog. I don't want to start it unless Bill is ready to go. It would be silly to start a group blog if only one person is doing all the writing.

Then there is the plight of my co-worker Sheri. She was inspired by my blog that she decided to write her own blog, http://theworldaccordingtosheri.blogspot.com. I didn't really read it until the end, but it didn't go well. To put it simply, she wrote some stuff about her family, her family got mad and hilarity ensued. You'll notice that she has removed all of her stories.

After that happened, she decided to write only about me and the arguments that we get into. Being two youngest children, we both like to be right. That lasted one story. I think she got tired of the criticism.

That's the thing about blogging. You have to be open to anyone posting a comment, good or bad. It's just not for everyone.

Not really an inciteful post, but I'm trying to get back in the swing of things here...

A lot of changes this weekend...

I ended up moving this past weekend to be closer to my new job. It was something that we've been putting off for a long time now, but rising gas prices (thank you very much oil cronies making 3 times the profits you have been making) drove us (no pun intended) to look into moving a lot sooner.

Actually, I was working in Lincoln and my wife has been commuting for the past 5 years to Omaha. So the added cost to commuting wasn't worth it anymore. We had to move.

We sold our house about 6 weeks ago and moved into our new apartment this past weekend. It's a nice, quaint apartment, which means it's much smaller than the space we're used to. To make a long story short, it took us about 7 hours to load the truck stretching Friday night to Saturday afternoon. Then we had to drive to Omaha, unload half of the truck into the apartment and then unload the rest of it in storage at friend's house.

Even with all of that moving, we realized that we left some stuff at the old house that we needed: silverware, sheets, towels, etc. You know, non-essential stuff. So we had to make another trip on Sunday back to the house to pick up this stuff. Even with that trip, I'm going to have to make yet another trip to get everything else that we left behind.

Aaahh... I love moving.

The new apartment is nice in that you can't hear any of your neighbors, but for some reason when the air conditioner kicks on, it drowns out the TV so we end up turning it up and down indiscriminately (see the story below about volume problems in our house). As a result, we've taken to just listening to our shows with headphones to avoid that problem.

We had a nice lady that lives across from us. In a span of 24 hours, she's already give us two trays of delicious treats AND a chicken casserole with rice covered with cheese. It was a nice surprise and more delicious than our planned frozen pizza.

Right now, it's impossible to find anything. We still have about a dozen boxes to unload and everything is not where I'd expect it to be.

We'll manage, I guess. Thanks a whole bunch to Joe, Bill, Zack, Derek and Daniel for helping. I don't know how we would have done the move without you.