Laura almost runs a red light and then blames me for it...

I've written a few times about Laura and I driving together. To sum up those past stories, Laura fears that I drive like a grandma, and I fear for my life when I see every car around us slowing down while our car seems to be going faster. To say that Laura is an aggressive driver is doing her a disservice. She brags that she got trained on the road warrior-like freeways of California, and that's how she's going to drive from now on.

I ask her sometimes, "What do your co-workers think of your driving?"

She's admitted that the responses have ranged from a ride in a runaway taxi (not surprising) to a ride in a race car (not surprising either).

Usually, I drive us to work when we carpool, but I talked her into driving the other day. We took her car, the Mazda 3, which Laura refers to as 'awesome' and much better than my 'no balls' having Santa Fe. She got a car that does what she wants. It takes off on a flash and gives her the ability to zip in and out of traffic. When she drives, I've taken to just reading magazines because if I was to watch what was going on the road, I'd have a heart attack. We've gotten into a few heated discussions when I've criticized her tailgating and delayed braking times after I've almost shoved my feet through the floor boards as I'm trying to will her to stop the car in time.

So the other day Laura drove us to work. Julia was with us because she was going to the summer day camp that my employer runs. I picked up Laura, with Julia in tow, at work and we switched drivers. She pulled away, turned left and headed the three blocks that leads to the interstate exit. We started talking. She was telling me something about work when I noticed that the light ahead was red. I anticipated her slowing down, but noticed that she was not slowing down. Laura kept talking.

I go, "Ummm...."

Still no stopping...

"Uh! Stop!" I yelled at the last minute.

"Oh!" Laura exclaimed and hit the brakes. We skidded to a stop just outside of the crosswalk.

"I didn't think you were going to stop," I said.

Flustered, Laura said, "Well... you were distracting me by talking!"

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Daddy!" Julia quipped from the back seat.

"How is this my fault?" I asked.

"It is because you and Julia were yapping in my ear when you should let me just drive."

We got on the interstate, and I started making a few suggestions about Laura's proximity to cars ahead of us. Laura sighed.

I should point out now that Laura is notorious for pointing out at great length how much distance I need between me and the car in front of me, how fast I should accelerate, which lane to take at any moment, which cars to pass and which way to go. If I deviate from that or don't anticipate what Laura would do, I get the inevitable questions of why I'm not doing all the things Laura would do. I often tell her that I'm going to get a bracelet that says WWLD, which means 'What Would Laura Do?"

We got further along in our trip home and I suggested that she switch lanes. Apparently, that was more than enough for Laura. She whipped around towards me and said, "If you say one more thing about my driving, just one more thing, I am going to stop this car and let you out. Then you can walk home. Don't believe me? Just try me."

I smirked and started to open my mouth.

"Feeling lucky?" Laura asked. "Go ahead and try it."

I smiled and closed my mouth.

"That's what I thought," Laura said.

I pulled out my magazine and spent the rest of the journey home trying not to look up when I saw the inevitable rush of a car's rear end coming towards me.

Later that night, we were getting ready for bed and watching a show about surviving car crashes, which of course featured lots of clips of cars crashing. One of the crashes involved a guy running from the police in a pickup truck. The chase ended when he ran a red light, and the truck he was driving collided with another car.

I said without looking at Laura, "Hmmm... I think that guy must have had his passenger and someone in the back talking to him for him to be distracted like that."

I could feel Laura's eyes bore on me as I heard her let out a long angry sigh. I closed my eyes and started giggling hard for about 10 seconds and said, "I'm sorry! I just had to say it."

"Uh huh! You're really enjoying yourself over there! You must REALLY want to sleep somewhere else tonight," she said.